Ha...ha...ha good humor!!!!
On Wednesday, November 28, 2018, 3:21:04 AM GMT+1, [email protected]
[GELORA45] <[email protected]> wrote:
Humor: “Communism would be easy to implement” says student who has only ever
lived in capitalist society
CONNER SHAW — [email protected] HOURS AGO
CAITLYN SAMPLEY / AGGIE
Student writes this and other radical statements in personal
manifesto-turned-livestream
This week, an anonymous manifesto was released and distributed across the UC
Davis campus in support of “the complete and unabashed removal of capitalism”
and “the total implementation of communism” in American society. Just this
morning, the anonymous writer has revealed herself as first-year Diana Leninsky
in a Facebook livestream.
At around 8 a.m., Leninsky began the livestream, but instead of starting
immediately, she stared blankly at the screen for around four hours until
exactly 1917 people were viewing. She then put down her fourth Leninade, the
only food or drink she consumed during the livestream, and proceeded with a
monologue.
“My fellow Davis students,” she lamented, “I wanted to wait until the number of
viewers matched the original year of the Bolshevik’s triumphant and peaceful
uprising against the Russian government. Capitalism is a plague on our society
and we need to remove it immediately. I know that sounds difficult, but trust
me, the process will be super simple.”
Leninsky continued the livestream for another four hours, only pausing her
speech to grab another Leninade from the large fridge in her room. The speech
included several references to the “capitalist-gentrified” city Davis is
becoming. Jump Bikes were called a “means of enslaving the poor through
transportation” and Leninsky called for their “immediate burning regardless of
the environmental impact.”
She also focused on housing in Davis, calling for a restructuring of the
housing system that would be fair to everyone. This made nearly perfect sense
until she stated her full plan, which involved forcing students, faculty and
administrators to all live in cooperative living situations with shared farming
as the only food source and no personal computers, vehicles or shampoo.
“If we put these cooperative situations in place, eventually everyone will need
to comply and readily accept that this is better for them,” Leninsky stated.
“Everyone will be happier knowing they’re no longer supporting capitalist
institutions by buying into massive food corporations or oppressive industries.
Why buy chicken instantly from the store when you can wait several months to
raise one? Why should everyone have an iPhone when we can get by with one for
every ten people? It’s just that simple.”
At hour nine into the livestream, Leninsky left to restock her fridge with warm
Leninades. Her room revealed a swath of expensive material possessions, such as
a 55-inch 4K television, a closet full of designer clothes, a handbag
collection and a kombucha vending machine. Leninsky returned guzzling another
Leninade.
“So yeah, communism would be really easy. I know we’re all used to capitalism,
but people will part with a lot if we just nudge them in the right direction.
And it’s a learning process. Like, I just learned about communism myself in my
global humanities class this quarter.”
Written by: Conner Shaw — [email protected]
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The
story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
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