I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).
Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.
Document: draft-ietf-manet-nhdp-11.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 2010-03-16
IETF LC End Date: 2010-03-19
IESG Telechat date: unknown
Summary: Ready
Major issues: None
Minor issues: None
Nits/editorial comments:
- Title: I note the title uses the term Neighborhood so should avoid
too much confusion with IPv6 Neighbor Discovery Protocol (thanks!).
- Abstract page 2: a 1-hop -> an 1-hop??
- ToC page 23: Bases -> Base? (for consistency)
- ToC page 4: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments
- 2 page 7: Network Address An address -> Network Address - An address
- 4.3.2 page 16 (and *many* other places): i.e. -> i.e.,
- 9 page 27: may -> MAY and must -> MUST?
- 9 page 27: the the -> the
- 10 page 32: [RFC5444] -> [RFC5444])
- 11 page 34: (another) a 1-hop -> an 1-hop
- 12 page 36 (twice): the message need not have??
- 12.1 page 37: my dict doesn't know "unverifiable"
(note there is another occurrence of this word)
- 12.3 page 39: IMHO '-' is not a good character to introduce a list item
(I really prefer * or +)
- 12.5 page 41, 12.6 pages 42 43, 13.2 page 45: same concern
- 14.4 page 48: acknowledgement -> acknowledgement? (consistency)
- 16 page 51: e.g. -> e.g.,
- 17.1 page 54: ; -> . (at end of list items, for consistency)
- 20 page 58: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments
- B page 60: ALWAYS -> *always* (to avoid confusion with 2119 KEYWORDS)
- C pages 64 and 65: packet details are unreadable (I prefer the name
and value of fields)
- C page 64: IMHO the (whole) packet length is wrong (45 = 0b101101,
0b110001 = 49)
- F.3 and all, pages 77 and all:
the alternative ASCII art is very ugly:
_.---{3}
{1}--------{2}--<_
'---{4}
I suggest something like:
+-----{3}
{1}--------{2}--+
+-----{4}
- F.6 and all, page 78 and all:
the circle is even worse! I suggest a box which is far easier
(BTW in tis case circling -> boxing :-)
- F.10 page 82: are the pairings 9+10 and 11+12 an artefact of
the ASCII art or have they an intended meaning?
Regards
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