Greetings Miguel,
Thank you for your comments. I am sure the authors are looking at them
now.
Chris
On 06Mar2012, at 02.12, Miguel A. Garcia wrote:
> I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
> reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
> <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>
>
> Please resolve these comments along with any other comments you may receive.
>
> Document: draft-ietf-opsawg-management-stds-05.txt
> Reviewer: Miguel Garcia <[email protected]>
> Review Date: 2012-06-03
> IETF LC End Date: 2012-03-08
> IESG Telechat date: 2012-03-15
>
> Summary: The document is ready for publication as an Informational RFC
>
> Major issues: none
>
> Minor issues: none
>
> Nits/editorial comments:
>
> The document fills the gap of providing an overview of the IETF management
> standards. I believe this type of documents is highly needed, so a big thanks
> to the authors and contributors for spending quite some time in putting this
> draft.
>
> Here are some minor improvements:
>
> - In section 1.3, I would add informative references to "Relax NG", "URI",
> "XPath", SMIv2, XSD, and YANG.
>
> - In section 2.2, 4th paragraph, I wouldd add informative references to ITU-T
> X.733 and IETF Alarm MIB.
>
> - Section 3.5, 4th paragraph, add references to "IPsec tunnels", "TLS-based
> security solutions"
>
> - Expand acronyms at first usage. This includes:
> - RMON (Section 2.3)
> - YANG, XSD (Section 1.3)
>
> - Section 3.3.2 describes COPS-PR, I would have expected to first describe
> COPS, and then COPS-PR as a variation of it. But there is no description of
> COPS, so I would like you to consider first adding a description of COPS.
>
> - Section 3.6 (page 31). The text merely names the names of the different
> Diameter applications. I would expect to see a one-paragraph description of
> what application does. As a comparison, this is what the rest of the document
> does when describing extensions or applications of a protocol. So, I would
> ask you to take a look at the abstract of each RFC and write it in there.
>
> - Section 3.10 describes XCAP. I am missing some text to guide the reader a
> bit further. I would describe that XCAP has been designed and is commonly
> used in SIP environments, in particular SIP for Instant Messages, Presence,
> and Conferences. I am also missing some text indicating that XCAP by itself
> is a kind of framework, but the real functionality is provided by "XCAP
> Application Usages", where there are big number of these applications. Having
> said that, I would expect the document to list the IETF-produced XCAP
> application usages together with a one-paragraph description. FYI, you can
> take a look at this list of XCAP application usages in the SIMPLE WG document
> list: http://datatracker.ietf.org/wg/simple/
>
> - Section 4.1.3, 2nd paragraph, describes what IPPM is all about. I think
> this is not the correct place to have such description, because IPPM has been
> already described in Section 3.4. So, I would replace the second paragraph
> except the first sentence with a reference to Section 3.4.
>
> - Section 4.1.6, 2nd and 3rd paragraphs, I would add references to Sections
> 2.3 (IPFIX) and 2.2 (SYSLOG), respectively.
>
> - Section 4.2.1, penultimate paragraph, add an informative reference to the
> "core system and interface models in YANG".
>
> BR,
>
> Miguel
>
> --
> Miguel A. Garcia
> +34-91-339-3608
> Ericsson Spain
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