Mario Goveia wrote:
I assume Gilbert is speaking of a hetero couple.
When we were faced with such a situation several years
ago, we described the woman, with her acquiescense, to
our kids as our relative's fiance, and made the couple
sleep in separate bedrooms. They had the sense and
grace to refrain from any public shows of affection in
front of the kids.
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Dear Mario,
Thanks for sharing your experience in these tricky matters.
Just one question though. If the couple slept in separate bedrooms and did
not appear overly affectionate then why did you have to use the 'fiance'
gambit? Why not just introduce them as 'friends' of each other? Does their
being 'engaged' (in your child's eyes) give them any liberties that would
not be available to 'friends'? Please understand that I am not questioning
your judgement as a parent. You know best how to explain to your children.
I am just learning.
My older son Desmond, all of five years, is constantly questioning me about
everything. I try as far as possible to avoid telling lies. I would rather
say "I don't know" or the avoidable, and distasteful, "You will not
understand now", rather than tell a lie to my son. Of course it hurts me to
tell him that Spiderman does not exist. Nor do Wolverine and Batman and
Daredevil or any superheroes for that matter. And monsters and dragons and
ghosts. But that snakes and WWF wrestlers are real! And that the WWF guys
are just role acting
Of course simple white lies are acceptable. Like substituting "Mamma's
stomach" for the more incomprehensible 'uterus'. But when he asks how he
got there in the first place it becomes a bit tricky. My wife, Beatrice,
quite simply closes the matter by saying, "God put you there". But I have
difficulty in stating something that I am not so sure of myself.
And Desmond being who he is has to ask where he was before he was in
"Mamma's stomach". I tried to explain to him the concept of something
coming into 'existence' from nothing. I lit a match-stick and explained to
him that the fire was not somewhere else before but came into being just
now. He doesn't quite get it. "The fire was in the match-stick!", he says.
Which to an extent is true.
Talk about the Big Bang theory and Creationism being discussed here ad
infinitum... how does one explain simple concepts to a child without
falling back on "God" who can be held responsible for everything from
lightning to waves and sand grains to storms, birth to death and why leaves
are green and why the referee allowed Big Show to hit the Karate Kid with a
chair - which is blatantly unfair.
Why should I tell my son to behave well because of some imaginary boogeyman
or the fear of a non-existent Hell or a nebulous God? Shouldn't he just
behave well because he should. Or because I said so! Being an ethical
parent is quite a task.
Perhaps some experienced parents on this forum, specially the Mammas, could
give us younger parents here some guidelines on these matters.
Cheers!
Cecil
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