Viviana initially wrote:
To the extent that people prefer to socialize with people "like themselves"
on a broad spectrum, that's universal. I'm certainly guilty of it.
To which Cecil (me) responded:
How exactly are you guilty of it? You are of Sicilian origin (Caucasian).
You do not have any Goan ancestors (to the best of my knowledge) and your
connection to Goa is by marriage. You have never resided in Goa for any
great length of time, so don't even have a "Goan" status by reason of
domicile. Yet you choose to post on this forum and in fact are an
Administrator here. You are not a Goan by any reckoning and choose to
marry a Goan and 'socialise' and contribute to GoaNet. You are definitely
not guilty of preferring people like yourself. In fact quite the opposite.
To which Viviana replied:
Cecil, it's true that Ariosto and I have different ethnic ancestors and
different skin colors, but it doesn't necessarily follow that we're not at
all alike. The "whole" of Ariosto is made up of much more than his color or
his village, just as I am. We are very alike, I assure you, we very much
have the same likes and dislikes, we like to pass our "spare" time (hah!)
involved in the same activities. Why do you assume that our
"selves" are bound up in, and limited to, our parents and villages?
Cecil:
I might be mistaken here but I think you are spinning the whole issue
around. What I understood you meant initially when you said that we tend to
socialise with people 'like ourselves' was that we mix with people of the
same origins, backgrounds etc. Now you say that and your husband have the
same likes and dislikes. That is a given. That need not be said. I was not
referring to that, and I think neither were you in your initial statement
about people socialising with people 'like themselves'.
And for the record I do not assume that our 'selves' are bound up in, and
limited to, our parents and villages. My point was totally different but
you have managed to spin it on it's head.
But let it be. Those who understand how 'spin' works will get it. I don't
want to get into one of those long I-said-she-said arguments that irritates
everyone.
-----
Cecil wrote:
Of course that fact that you make radical observations about Goa and Goans,
without fully following the nuances of what is being discussed, is amusing.
Viviana replied:
Radical?? Are you saying that I'm not at all allowed to make
observations because I'm white? How very open-minded you are, my dear
Cecil! I'm not a daughter of Goa, no doubt, but Goa is very much a part
of my life,
Cecil:
Then my dear Viviana you would not be making observations that are
obviously bereft of deep knowledge or experience. This has nothing to do
with your skin or ethnic origins. Drop the 'hurt' sentimentality. It has to
do with your lack of knowledge of Goan and Indian traditions and thinking.
When in doubt ask. Don't make statements, or assumptions.
Let's say I asked you, "How much money does you family in Sicily have to
pay the Mafia every year? Did you grandfather drink wine only in the
afternoons or at night also? Did your brother make a lot of money from
directing porn films?"
I am assuming here that you have a Mafia connection, a wine drinking
grandfather and a pornographer brother - because of false Sicilian
stereotypes that I have in my mind. The questions reveal that my knowledge
of Sicily and Sicilians is superficial. You would ask me to do due
diligence before making such statements. Or to re-frame my questions
without presuming anything. That's what I am asking you to do.
-----
Viviana:
just as Sicily and Sicilians are a part of Ariosto's life.
We were in Sicily last month and we took a picture of the Via Ludovico
Ariosto in Alcamo, "my village." In Sicilian we have a saying, "Nuvatri
semu nati fidanzati." We were born engaged (to one another). :-))
Cecil:
I am sure you were. That is neither here nor there.
What I am requesting you to do is first do your research diligently and
then only draw your assumptions and make them public. I repeat this has
nothing to do with the colour of your skin or your ethnicity but rather to
do with your lack of knowledge of the 'Goan way' which can be learnt by
living here, or can to an extent be inherited - but certainly cannot be
absorbed from a million miles away.
If I married a French woman and she lived with me here in Goa I would maybe
learn from her a bit of the 'French way' (I hope this does not sound
suggestive) over a period of years. But I certainly would not go on some
France-centric discussion group and make statements without first getting
my facts right. At most I would ask a few polite questions on the group to
clear my doubts. On the other hand if I had lived with my French wife in
France itself for many years and had absorbed the French way I would
confidently move into discussion knowing I have now an insiders' experience
and authority.
Go figure.
Cheers!
Cecil Pinto, Panjim - Aldona
M/ 38/ NP-CC/ NP-H
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