Cheers Dears
By Augusto Pinto
M.A.M v/s M.I.L.F
Dears,
I met my friend Tinu after a gap of a couple of weeks, so when I bumped into
him I was a little taken aback. He had grown a straggly beard and was
wearing a khadi kurta over a pair of worn out jeans and was carring a
slingbag.
I said,"Hello Tins, hard up or what? Seems like you can't afford a decent
razor."Tinu looked hurt,"What's the matter Gus, don't you like my new
beard?"
Although it looked hideous, I didn't want to offend him further so I changed
the subject. "Tins, will you be joining M.A. M.?" "Ma'am? Who ma'am? One
wife nagging me is more than enough, I don't want to get involved with any
more ma'ams."
"Not ma'am, Tins. Em ay em', I said spelling it out,"The Moira Action Manch"
"Oh that M.A.M. No Gus, I'm not." I said, "And may I ask you why not? Don't
you want to fight corruption? Don't you want better civic amenities? Don't
you want to oppose mega projects?"
"Fight this and stop that - my big foot! With Fulgomam and Aunty Winnie and
Elroy Birdbrain Ferns leading these Mamus it's only a matter of time before
they start bickering among themselves and falling apart." I said,"Tinu, I
think this is typical Moidekar crab mentality. Neither do you do any good,
nor are you ready to see or
help anyone else do any good"
He retorted,"Do good? My dear Gus, these people only talk big. But really
they're completely hopeless rich toads. Anyway I can't join them because
there will be a conflict of interest. I've joined M.I.L.F." I
said,"M.I.L.F.? Whatever's that? I've never heard of them". He replied,"The
Moira Intercosmic Lamponers Front. You haven't heard of them because they
are very elite." I said,"Intercosmic Lampooners?...What does this mean
Tins?" "Nothing much Gus, but it does have a nice ring to it, don't you
agree?" "And what are you supposed to do, Tins?" Tinu said,"We don't DO
anything. We just talk."
"So what's the difference between M.A.M. and M.I.L.F. Tins?" "There's a
world of difference,Gus. M.A.M. says it is going to take action, and they
don't. We don't say we're going to do anything and we keep our promise.
Besides you have to be an intellectual to be invited to be part of M.I.L.F."
I now began to understand why he had effected the shabby image make over and
had cultivated the straggly beard. He was trying to look the part of the
'intellectual'.
"You, know Gus, there's another thing that makes M.I.L.F. stand out. We have
a vision. M.I.L.F. does not get down and dirty with issues like garbage and
sewage and drains and bijli and sadak and pani." "Why not, Tins?" "You see
Gus, these are just the symptoms. The real disease is caused by the
mega-globalisers, the tele-colonialists and the magic-imperialists."
"What big words you use, Tins" "The better to tease you, dear Gus. But
seriously,have you ever thought how we have been manipulated into having a
wedge driven between those who have a little and those who have been had?
Or how the rise in oil prices have resulted in soaring food prices, leading
to regional insecurities which have made our governments to hike defence
budgets and lower allocations to our infrastructure needs to the benefit of
the postmodern neocons and the ..."
My head was reeling and writhing from this verbal assault, and I decided to
cut him short."So whatare you going to do about it Tinu?" "I can tell you
what we're not going to do, Gus. We're not going to have large public
meetings or raise the matter of the obscene Defence allocations at our Gram
Sabhas . We're not going to organise a rasta roko to demand the abolishing
of nuclear weapons. We're also not going to gherao the mamlatdar to rein in
the speculators at the stock market..."
Saying to myself that this conversation could only happen in Moira, I
resolved never to join M.I.L.F. and hurried off, even as Tinu continued
muttering his inanities.
Till next time then
Cheers (ENDS)
==============================================================================
The above article appeared in the June 4, 2008 edition of the Herald, Goa
