Cheers Dears By Augusto Pinto Mandrica
Dears, Once upon a time, in Gowristhan, a land of fantasy and imagination, there was a terrible crisis. Gowristhan was a democracy where people could say anything they wanted to say. Its citizens were all writers and they were all men and they were all horrible to look at. But to give that bunch of doddering old dodos their due, they were a very clever bunch of freaks. They met once a month for grand banquets. Although Gowristhan was not a kingdom, it did have a Grand Vizier whose job it was to organize those grand banquets. His tasks included arranging a banquet hall; sweeping and swabbing the hall; giving directions to the Gowristhanis about how to get to the hall; ordering the food and the drinks and so on and so forth. Cepcilon was the name of the Grand Vizier. Everything was hunky dory until the year 8002 when the great crisis occurred. The ruckus started when a young lass named Mandrica came from the Nether Lands to visit Gowristhan. Sitting on a horse she began to see the sights of Gowristhan. And on one of her tours she was espied by Cepcilon. On seeing her Cepcilon flipped and tripped. He ran up to her and asked her if she could write. Mandrica nodded her head. Overjoyed Cepcilon told her that she must become a Gowristhani. Mandrica nodded her head. However to become a Gowristhani one had to undergo a curious initiation ritual. One had to dance before the assembled Gowristhanis, and only if they approved of it would the applicant get Gowristhani citizenship. At the next banquet of the Gowristhanis Cepcilon announced,"Dear Gowristhanis, for too long has our milieu been macho. We have closed our eyes to the beauties of the world. We must modernize. We must admit chicks to the citizenship of Gowristhan. And luckily the right babe hath come. I am sure you have all seen the nubile Mandrica who hath come to Gowristhan all the way from the Nether Lands riding on her horse. I propose that we admit her as our First Lady. Come here Mandrica. Dance for the Gowristhanis" Mandrica came onstage in a teeny weeny micro-mini and did a sexy item number. After she finished her gyrations, Cepcilon addressed the gathered Gowristhanis,"Does anyone of you have any objection to Mandrica becoming a Gowristhani?" Josefus who had already had one too many, and was turned on by Mandrica's performance, let out a wolf whistle and yelled,"I object. She's just too pretty to be a Gowristhani. Besides she dances divinely. And her horse is too good." There was a stunned silence. Then Cepcilon said," What does he mean? Either Josefus should justify himself or he should apologise or he should be expelled from Gowristhan!" Josefus shot back,"Bah humbug! Get lost." And that's when the shit hit the ceiling fan. Cepcilon roared in fury,"How dare you say that to me! And I notice that the rest of you are silent witnesses! I take it that this means that you all agree with Josefus. Very well - in that case - I resign as Grand Vizier!" Salcario said sweetly," My tears are welling up. Cepcilon, please don't say you'll resign. And from now on I promise not to say anything bad about you O Great One." Derky said," I am one of the many silent witnesses but that doesn't mean I don't care! Enough said. Retract your decision, Grand Vizier." Patricio said," Cepcilon you are the wind beneath our wings. Gowristhan will run aground if you go!" Virgolo who hated Josefus because he felt he carped at his writing yelled," Nobody should say nothing about our Cepcilon." He forgot that it was Cepcilon who had initially drawn attention to his mistakes. But then, an enemy's enemy is a friend. Frencunho the greybeard gave his two paisa worth,"I think it is unbecoming for a Gowristhani to make frivolous comments about anyone's looks. I would hate it if someone judged me on the basis of my height, skin-color, my non-existent six pack abs, my caste or my beard. Why should a woman be judged on the basis of her looks?" Himburte opined,"I find Josefus's remarks about Mandrica falling just over the edge of delicious wickedness which I enjoy, into sexism which I don't." Josefus said," Bah humbug! Very well. I will leave. But first at least ask Mandrica whether she is offended or not." But Mandrica was nowhere to be found. Bored by the squabbling of the old men she had hopped onto her horse and had gone back to the Nether Lands. Till next time then... Cheers (ENDS) ============================================================================== The above article appeared in the January 7, 2009 edition of the Herald, Goa
