Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2004 1:42 PM
Subject: Teens and Stress: Parents, Please Listen Up!
Teens and Stress: Parents, Please Listen Up!
Islam Online, Washington D.C.
21/11/2000
Are you close to your teenager? When was the last
time the two of you had a heart-to-heart talk?
Maintaining strong
family ties is a cornerstone of Islam. However, many of us seem to need proof
that strong family ties are necessary or even possible in North America.
Consequently, even Muslim teenagers are finding it difficult to approach their
parents to talk about stresses they are facing in their academic, personal and
social lives.
Many teens feel their parents would not understand
what they are going through. And this may be true to some degree for teens whose
parents are recent immigrants to North America. However, even African American
and Caucasian Muslim teens find it awkward to confide in their parents or to
have a simple conversation.
Teens say parents are too quick to
judge them and to offer solutions rather than to listen to what they are feeling
and experiencing. Parents, on the other hand, note that their teens are overly
judgmental themselves, and that they assume that their parents do not understand
the current teen culture. Or that their teens feel they will be less independent
if their parents are involved in their lives.
Yet, no one can deny
that being a teenager in North America is, perhaps, the most challenging phase
of a person�s life. So, what�s the answer?
Some reassuring
possibilities come to us from a study by the Simmons College Graduate School of
Social Work (GSSW). Starting in 1976, the GSSW has kept track of some 400
children living in Massachusetts. Interviewing them at ages 5, 9, 15, 18, 21 and
26, the researchers found that teenagers were less likely to be stressed, and
more likely to have a generally positive outlook when they had strong family
ties.
In general, parents and teens have to function as a team.
Since the teen years are critical to identity formation, it is imperative that
parents not abandon or neglect their children during these years. Some parents
do not want to get involved in their teens� lives because they anticipate lots
of arguments so they treat communication with their teens as a time- consuming
ordeal.
However, it does not have to be that way. Working out the
kinks in communication, maintaining consistent and balanced interest in
children�s lives, and, most of all, building trusting parent-teen relationships
are just a few ways that parents can help teens reduce the stress they
experience during these formative years.
Editor�s Note: Read more
about this study in the Boston Herald by clicking:
http://www.bostonherald.com/lifestyle/teen/teen11202000.htm
Also, if you have concerns about your teenager, or
you are a teenager yourself, send us your concerns at www.islamonline.net/questionapplication/english/question.asp
