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----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, April 03, 2005 12:52 PM
Subject: Forgive faults of a friend?
If your friend
commits sin and continues therein, advise him with sweet words. If he turns
back, it is better. If he does not turn back, connection should be cut off
according to Hazrat Abu Zarr. According to Abn Darda'a connection with him
should not be cut off, as he will walk once in a Straight path and another time
in a crooked way. Hazrat Ibrahim Nakhyi said: Don't cut off connection with
your friend and don't leave him at the time of his commission of sin as he may
commit a sin today and give it up on the following day. There is in Hadis:
Bear the slip of a learned man and don�t boycott him and hope for his
return.
One friend of Hazrat Omar went to Syria and
stayed there for long. Hazrat Omar took this news from a certain man of Syria.
He said: He has become the brother of the devil and he has begun to drink wine.
Hazrat Omar wrote to him a letter saying: In the name of the Most Compassionate,
the Merciful (40: 33). He rebuked him in this letter. When he read it, he wept
and said: God said the truth. Omar advised me. He then repented and turned
back.
It has been narrated that one of two friends fell in love with a
woman and informed it to his friend. He said: If you wish, you may cut off
friendship with me. His friend said: Shall I lose a friend for his one sin? Then
he promised that he would fast till his friend came out of his love for the
woman. He fasted for forty days, as a result of which his friend's love for the
woman went away from his heart. Then he took his meal and drink.
One
of two friends went astray. One friend asked him: Have you not forsaken him? He
said: I wish to remain with him more now. I shall have to lift him up by
catching him by his hand. I shall have to rebuke him with sweet words and I
shall have to call him to his former condition.
It has been narrated
that two friends of Banu Israil engaged in divine service in a hill. One of them
one day got down and went to a market to buy meat. He saw there an unchaste
woman and fell in love with her. He called her in a lonely place and satisfied
his lust. This continued for three days. His friend in the hill came down to
search for him and found him following a woman. He embraced and kissed his
friend and said: I have come to know your condition. Now let us go to the hill
for divine service. So his friend went with him to the hill being
repentant.
One should not cut off the relationship from his relative
who is seen engaged in a sin. God said to His Prophet in connection with his
relatives: If your relatives disobey you, say: I am displeased with what you do�
(26:216Q). He did not say: I am pleased with your actions. Rather he said: 1 am
displeased with your action. When Abu Darda'a was asked: Why do you not hate
your friend who is doing this sin? He said: Surely I hate his sinful act, but
how can I hate him as he is my brother in religion? Brotherhood of religion
is greater than that of relationship. A wise man was asked: Who is dearer to
you, a friend or a brother? He said: If my brother is my friend, he is dearer to
me. Hazrat Hasan Basri said: How many friends there are who are not born of your
mother. It has, therefore, been said: Love is necessary for relationship but
relationship is not necessary for love. Hazrat Jafar Sadeq said: Connection is
made out of love of one day and relationship is made out of love of one month
and near relationship is made out of love of one year. God severs connection
with one who severs connection with his relatives. It is compulsory to keep
the tie of friendship. One should not make friendship with a great sinner from
the very beginning, but when it is done, it should not be cut off.
The
Prophet said: The worst servants near God are those who roam with slander and
create separation in friendship. When one man committed a sin, his friend
rebuked him. Then the Prophet said to him: Stop, don't rebuke him. Don't be a
helper of the devil in the matter of your friend'. So it is better to keep away
from the great sinners from the very beginning than to sever friendship with
them after it is made. Imam Shafeyi said: If a man's anger is aroused but his
anger does not arise, he is an ass. If a man's pleasure is incurred but he does
not get pleased, he is a devil. So don't be an ass or a devil. Rather be an
agent of your friend and bring pleasure to yourself, and adopt precaution from
being a devil by not accepting it. A certain wise man said: I never rebuked
anybody. The cause is that if a man of dishonor rebukes me, I save myself from
his attack without replying to his rebuke. Whenever your friend raises excuse,
accept it, be it true of false.
The Prophet said: He who does not accept
the excuse of his friend commits sin like the tax collector in the street. The
Prophet said: A believer suddenly gets angry and his anger is soon appeased. He
did not mention that he does not get angry. God says: Those who appease anger
etc. He did not say about the absence of anger. Now-a-days anger does not
appease till harm is not done to a friend. But have patience at the trouble
inflicted by him. To remove anger from the soil of heart is not possible, as it
is a natural attribute of man. To appease it and to act contrary to its nature
is possible. To act in agreement with anger is to take retaliation but to act
contrary to its nature is not to take retaliation. The Prophet said: Love your
friend in a moderate manner; perchance he may become someday your enemy. Get
angry at your enemy in a moderate manner, perchance he may turn to be your
friend sometime. Hazrat Omar said: Let not your love exceed the limit and let
not your hatred lead you to the path of
destruction.
By Imam Ghazzali
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