---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: <[email protected]> Date: Sat, Oct 24, 2009 at 7:25 PM Subject: [indiathinkersnet] Pre-Marital Counselling instead of communal rhetoric To: [email protected]
PRE-MARITAL COUNSELLING INSTEAD OF COMMUNAL RHETORIC. Like it or not , 'Love Jihad' controversy has generated as much attention as what Mukul Dubey says has happened in the case of 'idols drinking milk'. It is a fact that families are saddened or angered when one of its members elopes or marries without consent of the family a member of another caste or religion . Religion and caste are not the only criteria in the long list . One can add regional , linguistic or even economic differences . More marriages than ever are facing discord .The main reasons are social and economic changes . Today's women are more empowered and are aware of their rights . The age old chains of custom and religious sanction have become weakened than ever . These aspects have created anxiety among the old guard and the religious orders. There is a general perception that inter-religious or inter-caste marriages fail faster than the others . One is not aware whether there are some statistics to substantiate this .However the perception has its root in the fact that the differences are more than the usual dose when the couples are from entirely different backgrounds .The parents primarily prefer their children to have a happy married life and towards this , they would try to close all loopholes . In India , communal and community feeling is very strong . A strong fear of being isolated , ostracized or expelled from the community exists . Marrying outside one's community is considered is still a ground for excommunication. Community leaders prefer to maintain their stranglehold on the community by invoking the fear that their community's future is at peril because of lost numbers and the loss of purity. More and more inter-religious and inter-caste marriages have been taking place lately , especially among the educated . The number of such marriages are higher at the Medical and Engineering colleges .Higher education hubs at Bangalore , Manipal and Mangalore may have witnessed such marriages at higher numbers . These marriages were treated as personal choices until the fundamentalist forces began to paint it as a dark scheme . The usual allegation of conversion did not sell well . Therefore , colorful stories were invented .The victims in the stories were 'raped' , 'gang raped ' , 'converted using force ' , 'sent abroad to be trained as suicide bombers' and so on . The graphic description managed to sell with the aid of the press. In the 'Love Jihad' story , the villain is ' handsome , tricky ,sweet talking Romeo with bike and free flow of funds , tech savvy ..... ' . Do all or most youth of the alleged community fit the description ? Are all the females who fall for these guys so foolish not to apply their thought at any point ? Are they all totally incapable of making intelligent choices? Now let us presume that a large number of the fairer sex (from any community) are always at danger of being cheated by sex hungry boys (from any community) . If this be the case , the solution is to empower and educate them so as to take wise decisions . This includes the ability to weigh the pros and cons of marrying from outside the community . This to be accomplished, the students and specially the girls need to be given adolescent education and premarital counselling. Unfortunately , the very same communal forces of today ( all of them) have a history of having opposed adolescent education in schools , alleging that it is SEX EDUCATION (read education about sex /having sex ). Adolescent education can educate the students / youth about making wise choices .Let them be empowered about what considerations one should give when thinking about life partners .The girls can be taught about taking care of themselves .This can be perfectly done outside the religious or communal angle. It is time for the civil society to ask the communal forces to shut up . The government should introduce, compulsorily adolescent (and sex education if need be) in all schools and colleges. Counselors should be appointed in all educational institutions so that the students can seek assistance in making choices. Pre-marital counselling should be provided in a secular atmosphere to all those who have marriage in mind. Rhetoric and rumor mongering about 'Love Jihad' , 'Love Crusade' or 'Love Dharm Yudh' will serve no purpose other than creating hatred and distrust among communities. Let the youth follow their hearts but at the same time let us empower them to make intelligent choices. Till today , we have seen only seen communal leaders speaking . Let us have sociologists , psychologists and apolitical citizens talking about the phenomenon. 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