Hi,
the text in Section 4.4 still talks about hostnames.
The example in Section 7 still doesn't use an RFC5737 example address.
Thanks, Lars On 11. May 2023, at 16:30, Mr. Jaehoon Paul Jeong <jaehoon.p...@gmail.com> wrote:
Lars, Even though you are very busy, please take a look at the revision and take action on our Consumer-Facing Interface Data Model draft:
This draft is the last I2NSF draft to be standardized.
Thanks in advance.
Best Regards, Paul
Hi Lars, Let me remind you of your action on this draft:
We authors believe that we addressed your comments as much as possible.
I hope this draft will move forward through your review and lifting up your block.
Thanks.
Best Regards, Paul
Hi Lars, I sincerely appreciate your comment to improve our Consumer-Facing Interface YANG Data Model. I attach the revision letters. If you have further questions and comments, please let me know. Thanks. Best Regards, Paul
On Wed, Apr 12, 2023 at 6:43 PM Lars Eggert via Datatracker < nore...@ietf.org> wrote: Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-27: Discuss
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
DISCUSS:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
# GEN AD review of draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-27
CC @larseggert
Thanks to Roni Even for the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review
(https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/PrQuAtGM5yKx1cs4Upt2cRel9IA).
## Discuss
### Section 4.4, paragraph 3
```
URL: This field represents the URL or hostname.
```
Not a YANG expert, but I thought an inet:uri had to be an actual URI and hence
cannot simply be a hostname string?
### Section 7.1, paragraph 7
```
3. The "https://www.sns-example1.com/" and "https://www.sns-
example2.com/" URLs are labeled as "sns-websites".
4. The "sip:al...@atlanta.com", "sip:bob@203.0.113.15", and
"sip:ca...@chicago.com" SIP identities are labeled as "malicious-
id".
```
Use actual RFC2606 example domain names and RFC5737 example IP addresses.
Also in the XML in Figure 19 of course.
### Section 10.1, paragraph 43
```
[MISPCORE] Dulaunoy, A. and A. Iklody, "MISP Core",
commit 051e33b6711a660faf81733d825f1015aa0d301b, February
2022, <https://github.com/MISP/misp-
rfc/blob/051e33b6711a660faf81733d825f1015aa0d301b/misp-
core-format/raw.md.html>.
[OPENIOC] Gibb, W., "OpenIOC 1.1 DRAFT",
commit d42a8777708e171f8bdd3c2c9f8590c83488285d, August
2013, <https://github.com/fireeye/OpenIOC_1.1/blob/
d42a8777708e171f8bdd3c2c9f8590c83488285d/schemas/ioc.xsd>.
```
For discussion in the IESG. I don't think GitHub commits are appropriate
normative references.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENT:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
## Comments
### DOWNREFs
Possible DOWNREF from this Standards Track doc to `[OPENIOC]`. If so, the IESG
needs to approve it.
Possible DOWNREF from this Standards Track doc to `[MISPCORE]`. If so, the IESG
needs to approve it.
### Inclusive language
Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see
https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and more
guidance:
* Term `traditional`; alternatives might be `classic`, `classical`, `common`,
`conventional`, `customary`, `fixed`, `habitual`, `historic`,
`long-established`, `popular`, `prescribed`, `regular`, `rooted`,
`time-honored`, `universal`, `widely used`, `widespread`
## Nits
All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to
address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there
will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you
did with these suggestions.
### Typos
#### Section 6.1, paragraph 99
```
- for an IP address, such as IPv4 adress and IPv6 address.";
+ for an IP address, such as IPv4 address and IPv6 address.";
+ +
```
#### Section 6.1, paragraph 121
```
- category such as SNS sites, game sites, ecommerce
+ category such as SNS sites, game sites, e-commerce
+ +
```
#### Section 6.1, paragraph 135
```
- gaming sites, ecommerce sites";
+ gaming sites, e-commerce sites";
+ +
```
### URLs
These URLs in the document can probably be converted to HTTPS:
* http://www.iso.org/iso/home/standards/country_codes/iso-3166-1_decoding_table.htm
* http://www.iso.org/iso/home/standards/country_codes.htm#2012_iso3166-2
### Grammar/style
#### Section 3.1, paragraph 1
```
sf-capability-data-model]. Case (anti-virus): This field represents the conf
^^^^^^^^^^
```
This word is normally spelled as one.
#### Section 3.2, paragraph 1
```
This information describes a caller id or receiver id in order to prevent an
^^
```
This abbreviation for "identification" is spelled all-uppercase.
#### Section 3.2, paragraph 1
```
on describes a caller id or receiver id in order to prevent any exploits (or
^^
```
This abbreviation for "identification" is spelled all-uppercase.
#### Section 3.2, paragraph 3
```
ow-rate-threshold? uint64 | +--rw anti-virus | | +--rw profile* string | | +-
^^^^^^^^^^
```
This word is normally spelled as one.
#### Section 3.2, paragraph 9
```
he Action object SHALL have following information: Primary-action: This fiel
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
```
The article "the" may be missing.
#### Section 4, paragraph 3
```
, e.g., 'Dublin', 'New York', and 'Sao Paulo'. Range-ipv4-address: This repre
^^^^^^^^^
```
Did you mean "São Paulo" (= city in Brazil)?
#### Section 4.5, paragraph 1
```
is field is not mandatory but recommended to be used as it is helpful for fut
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
```
The verb "recommended" is used with the gerund form.
#### Section 5.1, paragraph 4
```
er-Facing Interface, this document provide examples for security policy rules
^^^^^^^
```
The verb "provide" is plural. Did you mean: "provides"? Did you use a verb
instead of a noun?
#### Section 6.1, paragraph 68
```
nclude 'Dublin', 'New York', and 'Sao Paulo'."; } uses ip-address-info{ refin
^^^^^^^^^
```
Did you mean "São Paulo" (= city in Brazil)?
#### Section 6.1, paragraph 94
```
ck mitigation."; } } } container anti-virus { description "A condition for an
^^^^^^^^^^
```
This word is normally spelled as one.
#### Section 6.1, paragraph 94
```
us { description "A condition for anti-virus"; leaf-list profile { type strin
^^^^^^^^^^
```
This word is normally spelled as one.
#### Section 6.1, paragraph 97
```
hs are filenames/paths to be excluded and relative ones are interpreted as gl
^^^^
```
Use a comma before "and" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they
are closely connected and short).
#### Section 6.1, paragraph 114
```
ed as a binary to accommodate any kind of a payload type such as HTTP, HTTPS,
^^^^^^^^^
```
If "kind" is a classification term, "a" is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The
phrases "kind of" and "sort of" are informal if they mean "to some extent".).
#### Section 6.1, paragraph 114
```
5 bytes of the payload. This field accept values greater than or equal to th
^^^^^^
```
The verb "accept" is plural. Did you mean: "accepts"? Did you use a verb
instead of a noun?
## Notes
This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You can use the
[`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into
individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT].
[ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md
[ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments
[IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool
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