A very good start Trevor, but you've missed a few important touches... Communion is an excellent time for the more subtle approach, eg:
Rather than coming to the front for Communion, have the elements distributed - make sure that there is no mention of what to do with them before the stewards pass out the bread. Then judge whether the majority of visitors have already eaten their bread (in which case you intone loudly "Now let us all share in the one bread together as a symbol of our belonging") or whether most have held onto their bread (in which case you send the stewards straight to the visitors rows' with the cup in order to force them to bolt down the bread while reaching for the cup). Note the subtlety in this system - it may not have drawn everyone's attention, but you have ensured that the visitors feel alienated, awkward and, with any luck, spiritually guilty for somehow profaning the body and blood of the Lord. Another good (though less subtle) alternative is to serve communion by intincture (naturally without any announcement of this fact) but make sure that the server holding the wine raises it for newcomers to the level where it is absolutely unclear whether they are to dip or drink. Those who opt for dipping will have an awkward job of it and won't be sure whether or not one is allowed to put a hand under the bread to catch any drops, and if perchance someone becomes confused enough to try to drink from the chalice, the server can pull it away with a horrified look which ought to be enough to send the newbie away with a dry mouth full of unswallowed bread. Of course if the server is 'accidentally' slow enough that the visitor gets his or her lips to the chalice you have struck the jackpot! The server (even better if it's the Minister) should turn to another Elder and say "You'll have to take the chalice and sterilise it. (Sigh and long pause) I guess you'll just have to pour the consecrated wine down the sink..." Cheers Linz Psssst! Did you hear that Trevor Mattiske ([EMAIL PROTECTED]) said this: > Lesson 1: Windows 2000 = Mac 1984! -- Rev. Lindsay Cullen Email : [EMAIL PROTECTED] An old(!) website... www.lindsaycullen.com ------------------------------------------------------ - You are subscribed to the mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] - To unsubscribe, email [EMAIL PROTECTED] and put in the message body 'unsubscribe insights-l' (ell, not one (1)) See: http://nsw.uca.org.au/insights-l-information.htm ------------------------------------------------------
