http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?page=2012\05\23\story_23-5-2012_pg3_5
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 VIEW: A woman in Kashmir, a curse or a blessing? — Salman Nizami She now hides in a safe house, isolated and alone. Like most Kashmiri women, she has lost all hope Suicide in the State of Jammu and Kashmir is a daily occurrence. Women, sometimes even young girls, kill themselves in an effort to escape a lifetime of abuse and suffering. Most Kashmiri women are victims of domestic violence. Either way, these women choose to end their lives tragically, by dousing themselves with kerosene and lighting their bodies on fire. Shehnaz Begum felt like she had no way out. Married off to her cousin aged 18, her husband had beaten her routinely in their poor rural home in Devsar tehsil of Anantnag district for the first three years of her marriage. Marriage had become too much for her to bear. Then, after she saw her brother-in-law strike his wife on the head with a gun, Shehnaz finally did what she had threatened to do many times before — she doused herself in cooking fuel and struck a match. Now she lies in a hospital bed with third-degree burns covering 35 percent of her body and ash coating the insides of her lungs. Her physician, Dr Mukhtaar Ahmed, believes it is unlikely that she will survive. The terrifying thing is that she is far from the only person in Kashmir to take such a drastic action. No one knows what the actual number of women who try to kill themselves is. More than 80 percent cannot be saved. He believes that most of his would-be patients never make it to a hospital. In some cases, families are too ashamed or fearful of prosecution to report what happened. “There are many such cases where, because of honour, because of the media, the families don’t want to disclose it,” says the doctor. “I’m sure there are many, many cases that are still invisible.” “I have seen a number of instances of women setting themselves on fire in my life,” says Shehnaz’s mother, wiping away tears. She insists that there is nothing unusual about her daughter. “Four months ago, someone else from our village lit herself on fire and died.” The same is the story of Nargis Ara. Her brown eyes seem lost as she thinks about the one day she wants to forget, but it is all she can think about. Still traumatised, she recounts the events that led her to a safe house in Humama, Srinagar. She was beaten and nearly stabbed to death by her husband just days before I met her. Her lips are quivering and her eyes full of fear. “He forced himself on me,” she said. “All I could do was scream.” She was married off 15 years ago when she was a teenager. Throughout those years, she was tortured and abused, suffering daily beatings with an electrical wire or the metal end of a hammer. That was her normal life. “He chased after me with a hammer. He said if I made any noise, he would kill me,” Nargis said. She and her husband could not conceive a child, and in Kashmiri society, it seems, the blame always falls on the woman. After one severe beating, she ran from her home and to the police station. Her husband promised the police he would not attack her anymore, so she gave in and agreed to go back home with him. Days later, her husband took her on a trip to visit an apple orchard. As Nargis walked along the orchard with her husband, he took her near a tree where he forced her to the ground, lifted her burqa and beat her. He then threatened her with a knife and asked her who was going to help her now. She was screaming as he slashed her throat and body. Now, she has no one to turn to, not even her own parents. She misses them but has not been allowed to meet them. She now hides in a safe house, isolated and alone. Like most Kashmiri women, she has lost all hope. Another case is from Doda. Syamul Nisa, whose husband deserted her, allegedly subjected her to harassment, including physical torture and served life threats, soon after the marriage. Syamul says, “We married on October 25, 2009, and then moved to Udhampur district for living. Our relationship was smooth one month after the marriage. However, in the second month, the relationship turned sour. My dreams of a happy married life shattered.” As the days passed into months, she said her husband was transferred to Kashmir. She also visited the valley where she gave birth to a baby on October 14, 2010. “Soon after giving birth to a baby, my husband left me at my sister’s house in Srinagar. This further worsened our relationship,” she said. “When we were going to our home in Doda after winter break, my husband dragged me out of his car near Qazigund and tried to flee. However, when people around the area gathered, he pretended as if all was well. However, after covering a distance of a few kilometres, he left me in the running car, and escaped; then I was taken to my parents’ home in Doda, and since then he raised demands of dowry.” She said her husband warned to kill her along with her family in case she failed to meet his dowry demands. On March 3, she said, her husband visited her parental house and threatened her mother. That time, Syamul said, she was at the Government Higher Secondary School, Ghat, where she worked. “When he left my home, my mother informed me of the incident over the phone. She told me that my husband has taken my baby along. While I was running home, I met him on the way where he started beating me. It was only after some locals gathered at the spot, he fled, leaving my baby behind,” she said. In Kashmir for centuries, women have been considered property, not equals, like the constitution states. They are often beaten and raped. There are very few places women can turn to. “Our mothers are beaten by our fathers. Sisters are beaten by their fathers, by their brothers. It’s a way of life,” said Irfan Mir, a local resident of Bhaderwah. Kalpana Tikku is a Kashmiri Pandit who grew up in Kashmir and has returned to the valley to work with other women in hopes of bringing a change, although she said it would take generations. “They see their mothers being beaten, they see their sisters, their aunts, everybody,” Kalpana said. “So that’s what they expect.” It is not just women who suffer. Nowsheen is a smiling 13-year-old who likes to play with her toys and other young girls at the shelter. She rocks her body on the mat where she sits, the rocking swaying her red plastic earrings as she talks with a muffled sweet voice. “I have a difficulty,” she said, when asked what she is doing at her aunt’s home. Her smile fades as she remembers the circumstances that brought her here. Just three years ago, when Nowsheen was 10, she was raped and left for dead outside her home in northern Kashmir. Her father found her bloody body floating in a creek. She spent a month in the hospital as her little body recovered from that brutal assault. Out of love and fear for his daughter’s life, Nowsheen’s dad brought her to this safe house of his sister. According to Nowsheen’s father, her rapist was a young man from an affluent family and quickly released from jail because of bribes and family connections. Kashmir has thousands of heart-wrenching stories; it also houses hundreds of women and girls who have the courage to live in a state where one of the biggest dangers is to be a woman. The writer is a veteran journalist from Jammu and Kashmir, India. He can be reached at [email protected] [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
