----- Original Message -----
From: Ibrahim ??????? Al-Koobee ??????
To: AqeedatusSalaf
Sent: Wednesday, July 27, 2005 7:20 AM
Subject: Advice to the Men on The Treatment of Women
Advice to the Men:
The Treatment of the Women
By Shaykh Fawzee al Atharee
Translated by Abu Muhammad Al- Maghribee
And He said that this is the correct meaning and understanding of the
Qiwaamah that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has placed with the man.
Allah subhana wa ta'ala said in the Quran :
" Men are the maintainers over the women "
With that Allah made them superior over women. And the meaning of this ayaat
the Shaykh hafidthuallah said , Imam at Tabari said that it means that they
are the ones who must take care of the issues and fulfill the rights and
needs of their wives. This does not just include material things. Rather all
the rights that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has placed on the men towards their
wives. For example to admonish them if they slip up. But this should be done
with kindness and gentleness. With wisdom and not with harshness. And also
if they do something that is wrong or if they make a mistake they should
correct them and show them the right way. Because what their wives do, the
men are responsible.
So it is important that the men obey the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa
and it is also incumbent upon the women to understand this Qiwaamah that the
men have over them, because it is a comman of Allah. It is a legislation
from Allah subhana wa ta'alaa therefore they shouldn't have any problems
with that and they should submit totally , completely, and willingly to the
command of Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaa.
He hafidthuallah said that this Qiwaamah is fulfilled with two categories.
1. That Allah favored the men with their bodies. He gave them strength.
2. That Allah made it incumbent on the man to spend on the women.
It is these two reasons that the men have Qiwaamah because first they have a
stronger body than the women and second they have to spend on the women.
>From this you will know clearly the mistake of many women that they are the
ones who want to spend on the men. They want to reverse the ayaat of Allah.
They want to reverse what He subhana wa ta'laa has legislated. And by them
thinking that they can spend on men, they don't know that they are actually
fighting over the Qiwaamah. They are fighting the men and trying to take a
right that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has given him.
So therefore Imam at Tabari raheimuhullahu made clearly this issue ya
ikhwaan from this it is not befitting for anyone to use this Qiwaamah and
this strength to misuse or act badly towards his wife. Whether by beating
her up or by insulting her. Or by puinishing her not according to the
legislation of the deen of Al-Islaam. He said such people and such husbands,
if they don't make Tawbah to Allah subhana wa ta'alaa and they die on that,
they die in a bad state wa 'authoobila. Why? Because they are opposing the
command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa. Allah is the one who commands the
husbands to be kind and dutiful to the women. And then what does this man
do? He goes against the command of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa . So this person
no doubt will be punished as Allah subhana wa ta'alaa punished many men who
were not kind and showed no kindness or no mercy to their wives.
So the Sheykh said Fear Allah , and all of you should be kind and nice to
your wives when you talk to them. And part of the Qiwaamah is to teach them.
And lead them, take them by the hand. To put her on the straight path. To
put them on that which Allah subhana wa ta'alaa commanded us with and His
messenger sallallahu alayhe was salaam . And the Qiwaamah is not just the
strength, its giving the commands and spending on her and the children. Not
letting them starve. Feed them, give them drink , buy their clothing.
Provide for them a place to stay , a comfortable place with furniture.
The misunderstanding of many men is that they don't spend on their wives.
Not only this but they say to them go get a job. If you want for your kids
this and that then you better get a job so you can support yourself and the
children. Authoobila. We seek refuge with Allah from such statements and
such behavior. Such a person is not submitting to the command of Allah
subhana wa ta'alaa. And he is not fulfilling the rights that Allah has put
upon him and he doesn't know and understand the correct meaning of Qiwaamah
that Allah has placed with him over that woman.
So no doubt that person is a sinner and this is the beginning of marital
problems between the spouses. And this man who doesn't use the Qiwaamah
according to what Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has legislated he is number one
in the destruction of the household. He is number one in the destruction of
his family. And he is accountable for the destruction of his marriage.
Because he is not being kind to his wife and with kindness to the wives, the
household will be nice and love will spread and that marriage will
inshaAllah continue with happiness and Allah subhana wa ta'alaa will put
blessings in it.
So therefore we have a clear understanding of this Qiwaamah that Allah
subhana wa ta'alaa has placed with the men. And we have to understand that
this is a very important issue that the Qiwaamah consists of the man
spending on his wife and family. By providing a place to stay, providing
food and drink, providing clothing for his wife and children. And it is from
the Qiwaamah that it is obligatory upon men to go and seek the livelihood
and to have a job that is good and halaal. He said no doubt with this he
will earn her love and her heart and she will deal with him with kindness
and with mercy. He said no doubt from here ya ikhwaan you will see the
misconception and mistake of the women as was mentioned before.
Because those working women, no doubt within their households, they have a
certain way of dealing with their husbands. They may be arrogant, they don't
listen to them. On the other hand the woman that does not work and remains
in the home taking care of the children , you will find her more obedient to
her husband than the woman who spends all day and all night working in a
place that is an arena of men.
And therefore he said this is the problem of an-nushooz. This means that
the women goes against their husbands, they don't know kindness. And they
are disobedient. From here it is clearly showing that if the man , the
husband, wants her to spend on him, or chooses only a woman who has a job
and that can spend on him...or even says don't support me, just support
yourself and the children, he said the woman who does this is taking away
the rights Allah has given the men. And we find these women who go to work
and spend on their husbands they become proud, and arrogant and boastful
towards them. And hence the problems start.
Many people ask Why do we have so many problems? Why is there no tranquility
in the house? Where are these problems coming from? Of course the reason is
obvious. Because we don't follow the teachings of the deen of Al-Islaam in
our households and we don't follow that which Allah subhana wa ta'alaa
commanded us with and we choose that which we want to follow. That's why we
have so many divorces. That's why the rate of Khula and divorce is so high
as it is well known to all of you. You will find that when the man fulfills
these obligations , the wife is more obedient.
But the woman who spends upon herself, she says to herself... "Im in no need
of this man, I can pay my own rent, I can buy my own clothing, In fact he
lives with me" , and therefore she pays no attention to him and therefore
an-nushooz. This is one of the main problems of marital discord between the
spouses. An-Nushooz linguistically means something that is high, standing
high. A woman that is Nashiz is a woman who speaks high or she tries to put
herself at a level that Allah subhana wa ta a'alaa didn't put her in with
regards to dealing with her husband. When she speaks she is boastful and
arrogant and she forgets about the rights that Allah has put upon her or
over her towards her husband.
_____
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{Invite (mankind, O Muhammad ) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom
(i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching, and argue
with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone
astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided.}
(Holy Quran-16:125)
{And who is better in speech than he who [says: "My Lord is Allah (believes in
His Oneness)," and then stands straight (acts upon His Order), and] invites
(men) to Allah's (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: "I
am one of the Muslims."} (Holy Quran-41:33)
The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "By Allah, if
Allah guides one person by you, it is better for you than the best types of
camels." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslim]
The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said, "Whoever
calls to guidance will have a reward similar to the reward of the one who
follows him, without the reward of either of them being lessened at all."
[Muslim, Ahmad, Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee, at-Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah]
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