Basia Burch created GEOMETRY-127:
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Summary: Parenting in the Age of Online Technology
Key: GEOMETRY-127
URL: https://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/GEOMETRY-127
Project: Apache Commons Geometry
Issue Type: Bug
Reporter: Basia Burch
Parenting isn't a popularity contest. Unfortunately, many modern parents act
this way - and they don't want to lose. Yearning for approval, parents are
terrified to take a strong stand with their children. They fear their kids
won't like them. So they resort to explaining, clarifying, negotiating, and
appeasing.
This development can be devastating to our families and our communities.
Parents must understand that our kids are going to hate us at times. They are
going to be mad at us and yell at us and slam doors in our faces. It's
perfectly OK for them - and for us - to have that discomfort. It will go away.
They will still love us, we will still love them, and they will be far more
prepared for living in the Great Big World than they would if we protected them
from the ups and downs of life.
Setting limits isn't just a good idea for parents: It's a crucial step toward
creating independent thinkers with a healthy mental outlook.
Believe me, if setting limits were easy, more people would do it. It can be
uncomfortable for us and it's often quite disappointing for children. We can't
help but disappoint them. What we can do is validate their feelings and help
them mourn the loss. This stance will raise a generation of risk takers who
won't be afraid of trying and failing - because they have had the direct
experience of surviving disappointment.
How do we begin to reverse this frightening societal trend? Parents need to
clarify their own values and communicate these to their children in confident
consistent ways. Perhaps most importantly, they cannot be afraid that their
kids won't like them.
Limit setting is crucial when it comes to technology. Some parents can try to
ignore technology and hope it goes away. But the Internet and social networking
are here to stay. It's scary to think that your kids probably know more
*[complextime|https://complextime.com/]* than you do already. So it's
imperative that parents figure out how they want to integrate technology into
their own family values.
In order to make the modern technological world safe for children, parents must:
Forbid the use of technology for babies.
Yes, parents use iPhones to distract and appease their babies. A recent print
advertisement showed a plush toy that held an iPhone so the baby could push its
buttons - even though the baby wasn't even old enough to hold it! The American
Pediatrics Academy recommends that children under two don't watch television at
all. Make a decision, and stick to your guns - even if you have to deal with a
temper tantrum.
Restrict the Use of Cell and Smart Phones
We've lost all perspective when we let our middle schoolers (or younger) walk
around with smart phones. The reality is that no middle school child needs to
search the Internet or send and receive email when they are away from home.
Cell phones should never be allowed in school: If a parent or child needs to
reach each other during the school day, he or she can go through the school
office. This system has been working successfully for decades now. But if we
want the convenience of having a child have a phone, limit the options on the
other end. For instance, we can block certain phone numbers, limit the number
of calls, check monthly bills and make sure the rules are being followed. In
other words, by determining a reasonable balance we can have convenience and
security yet retain some control.
Pay Attention.
I know modern life can be distracting. But what's more important than making
sure your child is safe? These days, that means knowing what they are doing on
the Internet, who they chat with, and what sites they visit. Both you and your
kids need to understand that it's not like writing in a diary - anything they
do is headed for the vast unknown we call cyberspace. Educate them about the
fact that everything they write and upload is public. Spend time with them so
they can show you what they are into and who their online friends are. Check
out these friends, just as you would a "real" friend. Today's technology is the
Wild West - no rules, no etiquette about what is said and how people conduct
themselves.
Educate Themselves.
How can you help your kids navigate this confusing terrain when you have no
clue? Learn about social networking, sign up for your own Facebook account,
educate yourself about different settings on different sites. Understand the
rules: For instance, the minimum age for a Facebook Page is thirteen. But, you
should also know that everyone lies on the Internet - why not? It's easy. The
reality is that lots of 11 year olds have Facebook pages to get in the game.
This means that the person "chatting" with your child who says they are a
15-year old girl, might, in fact be a 42-year old man. Information is power.
Be A Role Model.
Today's parents are constantly bombarded with conflicting messages about the
role of technology in their kid's lives. Can't live with it-can't live without
it. There's a steady stream of news stories about the dangers of the Internet,
yet kids are completely hooked into their smartphones and their online fantasy
worlds-just as their parents are! Be a role model for your kids. When you are
talking to them, put down your cell phone. Carve out family time with no
technology. Create rituals that involve "old-fashioned" fun like word games and
art projects. Don't jump up to answer a call during dinner.
Parenting is hard. There is no manual. It's on the job training with the
highest of stakes. It's relentlessly being in the trenches and acting on
instinct and experience. We sometimes do a terrible job. We may not be perfect.
But if we pay attention and follow these few simple rules, mostly we'll do just
fine.
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