I liked everything colin said in his post. I also think we've all been here before and I agree with colin that the fortunes/misfortunes that we all experience have nothing to do with reward/retribution for past good/bad behavior, but with learning. I'm not sure exactly what we're all supposed to be learning, but I believe that the things we experience usually provide choices - to love or not, to be patient or not, to be kind or not, to help or not, to be gentle or not, to give or not. Perhaps some of us do choose really hard life situations, but not as punishment for past actions. I feel a sense of admiration for people who have chosen great suffering in this life - I think they must have very strong spirits to take on such great difficulties. I think living on the earth is being in hell because we are separated from the knowledge of our true nature (which I believe is divine and beautiful) and from the knowledge of our oneness with all creation. Life here is hell because really bad things happen here - natural disasters, physical hardships (poverty, disability, illness), lonliness, and evil perpetrated by human beings. The only thing we can be absolutely sure about on earth, outside of our own thoughts and behavior, is that nothing on earth will last forever and everything will change. I always remember the catholic priest on Ash Wednesday crossing my head with ashes while saying "thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return" - grim but true. I am really struggling now with all of this - that I can't control the future - that disaster could strike at any moment - it's very depressing. I'm not sure why I'm in this mental state. I ask myself the question "What can I control?" and the only answer I find is that the only things I can totally control are my thoughts and my actions in this present moment.
Marian Vienna
