What I wanted to see, was: how do you REALLY cope with grief? When it really keeps hurting without surprise solutions, when you don't have a deus ex machine hopping along?
"I walked a mile with gladnessGrief is a very personal experience. You cannot "see" what grief is like on a film. My closest grief experience was on the death of my mother in May 2000. her death was unexpected as she was carried away by some unexpected recurrence of a medical problem (not cancer) and she died..... she just died... 12 days start to finish and she was gone. Its like being in a glass tunnel. You are in there shouting and banging the walls that "hey! my mother, my poet, my artist, my wonderfully batty and very irritable mother has died.. Hey!" bang bang bang on the walls and all the time the world just goes on moving past you and you think you wont ever re-join the days of other beings. Its like being stuck in treacle and you just cannot move for the shock of it.
she chattered all the way
but left me none the wiser
for all she had to say
I walked a mile with sorrow
and ne'er a word said she
But oh, the things I learned from her
when sorrow walked with me"
My sister died suddenly three years ago. She walked into the emergency room..and died two hours later. She was young, 47..fit..a marathon runner (ran and completed thirty in her life) the brightest star in my life!. Yes..loved Joni.( introduced me to Joni..took me to a concert back in 1976) Autopsy showed nothing. Getting on that plane and going to California was surreal. Why.. I thought, is the world going on? Why are people laughing? Why are fucking people laughing?!!! When I would see runners on the street sometimes I would have to turn and look away. It hurt too much! She loved running so much it was in her blood..her release..why can't she still be out there doing her thing? Why?
SO yes..greif is a very personal thing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Bree
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