In a message dated 9/22/00 2:36:40 PM Pacific Daylight Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: << As for kids & divorce, what I have learned from experience (from both sides now) is that what is of primary importance in raising happy healthy kids is that the kids know that they are loved & treasured & wanted by their parents. And that the parents have similar values so that their children are not torn up by two opposing veiwpoints. >> I was reading a novel of the involved some kids from divorced households and one character commented that the old saying that kids adapt is very far from the truth. They don't adapt to broken homes as much as mutate from the pain. I think that is very close to the truth. My children are children of divorce. My exes and I share similar values in many ways. All three of them know that they are loved and treasured by the main parent, (which is me), and the absent parent. We've never really argued over much with regards to S, MC and L, although we've had our arguments and disagreements. (hmm, if we didn't, perhaps we should have stayed married! (:-0 ) Regardless of daily affirmations of love and counseling, all three have suffered severe sadness and melancholy on their way to acceptance and peace. Many facets of their personalities have changed in ways that say "mutate." I have seen my middle child, once so full of life and sparkle, become almost a mini-adult. Not in terms of being a precocious caretaker, but in terms of maturing her psyche ahead of schedule in order to reconcile the pain of being "abandoned." Her sparkle has come back, but it is a prism with its share of clouds. Until just last year, both of my youngest kids slept best when they slept with me, so deep was their need for reassurance and contact. For my oldest, sitting next to me didn't count unless she was also shaving off half my thigh in the process. I have no doubt that it was love that pulled them through those times. But it was a love that was almost the equivalent of superhuman strength during times of extreme stress. Kinda makes everyday living a luxury on par with caviar or Taylor's Ham. And I'm just a dull, ordinary person of modest means. I can't begin to imagine the pressure the Etheridge's children will feel with the burden of cult celebrity. Makes you wish that either society would not put so much pressure on people to fit the status quo or that people were deep enough into enlightenment to not let it matter. I think that I've posted something similar to this before, but I will do it again in light of the gay theme. I say a hearty "fuhgeddaboutit" to teaching tolerance and acceptance of our gay brothers and sisters, (or anyone, really). Who wants to be "tolerated" or "accepted" for something as primal as who we love? I "tolerate" the triple digit weather out here. I "accept" the fact that my 19 year old may never get a summer job or driver's license. But things are just the way they are when I look outside and see trees; a couple of oaks, a silver maple and a host of others, and it's all wonderful and awe inspiring. And just the way things should be. Thank you God(dess). Awright, I'm off the soapbox now. MG
