Robert Holliston wrote:
> <<When you give a child up to adoption, surely you yield
> parenthood to the adoptive parents.>>
and now me:
Technically, on paper, for the record, yes this is true. When you relinquish a
child for adoption, you give up the right to be a parent and in Joni's case, a
mother. That said, how on earth can any woman deny her mother-reality..how can
she deny or turn her mother-heart away from the infant she carried for nine
months. Impossible. I feel that I can safely say that many a woman who signs
their baby's life away also signs herself up for a life sentence of pain and
regret.
Let me take you inside that young woman's head for a few minutes. Let me take you
into the darkness of her middle of the night fear where she holds onto threads of
hope and desperate dreams that one day, maybe just maybe some miracle will
happen, she wont have to give the baby up afterall.
And once she did, maybe, just maybe she would at the very least one day be able
to know that child, know they were okay, had a good life. The heartwrenching
stuff of impossible dreams. And maybe that child would one day forgive her for
abandoning him. These are but a few of the demons circling inside her.
So very often, with no financial, emotional, or spiritual support and very
little compassion toward her, many birth mothers are given no choice but to give
up a child. They are after all, as Joni says, deemed the Jezebels. Branded.
Banished from the kingdom because they had sex and got caught. (Magdalene
Laundries playing in my head. )
What chance did a young mother have to raise a child herself when her own mother
and father didnt even know that child existed because she was too afraid to tell
them for fear of being excommunicated from the family, her only hope for survival
through this hell on earth.
How could this young mother do anything but stand shivering, terrified, cold and
alone, on the steps of a coffee shop of a small town hotel at 2 am not knowing
where the hell to go because even the last person she thought she could rely on,
the baby's father, had also turned against her having etched shame and blame
against her soul.
yes, birth mothers such as Joni technically give up their rights to the child and
in my humble opinion, once you carry a child and know, truly know that sweet
little baby in your heart and soul, you do not give up that child. Not really.
The confusion lies within the fact that you know deep inside yourself, in the
hour of darkness and alone, that you are a mother but not. How do you reconcile
that? So you sign all the papers in the family name and now everyone gets to have
a happy ending? How? And many years later, what happens if you are lucky enough
to fall into the arms of reunion. Once again you are judged. Once a jezebel,
always a jezebel.
Mags
np: Little Green
