> 1. "I'll try" appears three times in the song, and I have come to
> basically agree with those who say that those words are indicators
of
> immaturity. I much prefer "I'll promise" or "I will".
I think the choice of the word 'try' is very deliberate. I don't
think sustaining the positive aspects of relationships is easy for
Joni. I think she has to honestly 'try' and this song is a reminder
to herself of both the things she needs to work to accomplish and also
the things she needs to be wary of and try to avoid.
> 2. She says "keep myself open up to you", implying that she is
already
> open (has no trouble opening up), but has trouble staying open.
I don't necessarily see an implication that she has no trouble opening
up although considering the song 'Talk to Me' you might be right.
Maybe she has a tendency to open up too much to begin with and then
retreats back behind those walls when she begins to feel vulnerable
and uncertain of the other person's feelings towards her.
>
> 3. "I said it like I finally found the way to keep the good
feelings alive
> - I said it like it was something to strive for". This couplet
sounds to me
> like she thinks that keeping the good feelings (infatuation ?) alive
is the
> issure rather than developing them further into something deeper and
more
> commited.
Do 'good feelings' mean nothing more than infatuation? I don't think
that's what she's saying at all. She's talking about something more
here.
I think of this song as a more mature version of 'All I Want.' Really
isn't she saying 'all I really really want our love to do is to bring
out the best in me and in you too' but in different words with a more
analytical approach to the theme? There is also a hint of the
negative and the difficulty she has stepping outside of herself in the
earlier song. 'I hate you some, I hate you some/I love you some/I
love you when I forget about me' and 'Do you see/do you see how you
hurt me baby?/So I hurt you too/and then we both get so blue'. It
also seems to me that she's still encountering some of these same
difficulties as recently as 'Taming the Tiger'. On 'Stay in Touch'
she says 'during times like these/the wise are influential/they can
bear the imperfections/they can keep the harmony/no doubt about it/no
doubt that's essential/*no doubt that's always been a tricky one for
me*' This woman has a hyper-analytical mind and a rather critical
bent to her nature. I don't think unconditional love comes naturally
to her or at least not easily.
>
> 4. "Approve your self expression". Why should her partner need
her
> approval - isn't the "space" to act and express oneself openly a
given in a
> mature relationship, no approval needed ? (This is not to be
confused with
> approving each act or expression itself.)
>
> 5. "I need that too" - is that the space, or the approval ?
(refer to "The
> Same Situation")
>
> 6. "I need your confidence, baby, and the gift of your extra
time - In
> turn I'll give you mine". Here, the order matters to me. First, we
have her
> needs (that is backwards thinking in relationships, really). Once
she has
> that, she will return the favor - it is an exchange. Rather, "I'll
give you
> my confidence honey (stop calling me baby), and the gift of my extra
time -
> in turn I'd love to have yours, too ( do it that way, and you will
get it).
I think she's talking about being supportive of one another here.
Nothing more, nothing less.
>
> 7. "Sweet darling, it's a rich exchange, it seems to me, it's a
warm
> arrangement" . There, that sounds like a fair trade, doesn't it ?
And while I
> believe that good relationships are warm arrangements - not in the
pejorative
> sense of her devastating, penetrating song of that title from LOTC -
it
> sounds to me like she is trying convince herself or her partner that
that is
> good enough - let's settle, even if we have to pretend a little bit.
I don't get that at all. I think she's setting goals for herself. I
don't see where she's talking about pretending about anything except
where she talks about 'when you just can no longer pretend/ that
you're getting what you need'. In that line she's talking about
giving up on a dying relationship, not saying that settling or
pretending is good enough to sustain one.
>
> 8. "Anyone will tell you Just how hard it is to make and keep a
friend". A
> great line - to some other song. What's friendship got to do with it
? ;-)
> I say that half-jokingly, but hasn't this been a song about love up
until now
> ?
In truly good and lasting romantic relationships aren't the partners
usually good friends to one another as well as lovers? Maybe there is
some fear here that the friendship aspect of this relationship will
dissipate if the romantic part doesn't work out. Joni is still
friends with an astonishing percentage of her ex-lovers. Seems that
aspect of it is pretty important to her. And why shouldn't it be?
And in the next line she excuses the ending of friendships (has she
reduced
> the love to friendship in order to justify walking away from it ?) -
either
> your friend screws you, or you (Joni) are the Judas - when you can
no longer
> pretend. Is she thinking about doing it again - walking out because
she is
> bored, and is not looking for "a warm arrangement" ?.
I don't think so. I think she's just going through possibilities in
her head and reflecting back on her own past experiences.
Then she tries to stop
> herself short of doing it, reminding herself with the repeat of the
final
> verse's chant, and the revelation that staying and working at it
rather than
> bolting is getting easier with the discipline of practice.
>
> Are we doing well because of discipline, or are we naturals, do we
really
> feel it ?
I don't think it's a matter of really feeling it. Anybody can fall in
love and really feel it. That's the easy part. Sustaining a
relationship is an entirely different matter. And no, I don't think
it comes easily or naturally to Joni.
In case you couldn't tell, I like this song and it was the version on
DJRD that really made me appreciate it. I think it fits in quite
naturally after 'Talk to Me' which I've always felt was about somebody
she had just met or was just getting to know. When she starts to
develop feelings for 'Mr. Mystery' she reflects back and reminds
herself of her past mistakes and what she needs to do if she wants the
budding relationship to succeed.
Mark in Seattle
