My Dear Commandos, I have taken the time to read just about all the postings in the most recent time - especially the not so pleasant exchanges. That means I observed the start and thankfully the peaceful end to the conflicts - they are not necessarily bad in themselves if we choose to take the learning going forward. I believe that God is moulding us into the greats He has put into us, and believe me, the clay feels the squeeze hard in the Potter's hand - if marred..? Not a problem! Another vessel of honor will emerge! God does not lack for creative, innovative, regenerational or transformational abilities. He is just God - and besides Him there is NO OTHER!
Now the take. The most daunting exercise, howbeit the most overlooked is the what, when and most importantly the how a feedback should be administered, whether to and from a father, son, daughter, colleague, subordinate, boss, leader, friend, acquittance etc. We all need some form of feedback - when we desire a kind of "critical" assessments of our actions, thoughts, decisions etc. For example, wifes do ask their husbands how they "look" before an outing; husbands also like to know what their families think of their leadership styles, abilities or even decisions; students crave to know how they are perceived by their peers, teachers, parents, etc. Feedback is necessary and essential to the survival, progress and success of any individual, group, society, nations, corporations, countries and even the UN. But giving and taking feedback can be really tough! Just about every quarter, I do get to receive some feedback from my bosses on my performances, work, leadership, relationships, attitudes, general behaviour and even perceptions of others I do not consider my direct line of reporting! What I detested most about this whole process is the so called golden rule that "NO DEFENCE IS REQUIRED" from me! "Just listen and go ACT"! I instantly feel "THIS IS INJUSTICE"! Well some feedback make me smile, some make me rather sober, some stir up real ANGER and SHOCK, yet some make me HUMBLE, perhaps more RATIONAL in my judgements and especially in the how I must change or do things differently in the future so as to deal effectively with the negative attributes while enhancing the positive ones. My bosses engage us quarterly too, seeking feedback, on how they are doing with respect to policy directions, clarity of purpose, staff welfare etc or simply to get an idea on how they are perceived! *Feedback is always and should be a two-way traffic*. Lets analyse "my" natural reaction to feedback.. The school for behavioral sciences call it the SARAAH principle - The first is that I'm *SHOCKED*! That "this wonderful me" could be so misinterpreted, castigated, insulted! "How on earth could anyone think this of me"! Our natural selves and egos are the first hit and usually the really bad part of us and very naturally the second reaction follows - and in quick succession; I am *ANGRY* - "I can't take this"! "No one dare to talk to me like that"! - True no one likes to be berated: "I am a somebody" - a respectable member of the society! See, "Everyone deserves some respect! And of course "I do too!" The fact is that when we are angry and loose that moment of self control, we do very unbelievable things - The first is to immediately and decisively FIGHT BACK! And usually...? Blindly! Because we are at this time, lost to the REAL issues that may rightly or wrongly have been the object of criticism. When we act in anger rather than love, we surrender our self control to forces that do not mean us well - they actually DESTROY us! Our most irrational conducts are committed when we loose control - and our energies are channeled to unfruitful ends - As the saying goes "The thing that angers you, controls you"! But soon after this initial outburst (ANGER) - having lost a huge quantum of energy, we "recoil" and become calm and ourselves again, and that is when we actually begin to think properly - but sadly only after the "deed is done". And then we see (now) only too clearly that we could actually have done things a little differently - in a more productive way and perhaps clearly avoided the conflict - which usually was not necessary after all. We must remember that some damages we cause during outbursts may never be retracted or fully "atoned for" - especially in the minds of some of the more *delicate* people we have crushed. Well... Now I become RATIONAL and what next? I *ACCEPT* I was wrong! My actions were borne of some weaknesses - outward or inward and I see that I AM ONLY HUMAN after all - full of flaws and needing the Strength of God to help me through! Now; I need to *ADJUST!* I need to take full responsibility for my whatever may be the cause of this feedback - that is when I can and begin to *actually*DO SOMETHING about it! That also proves the man (COURAGE) in me! This is the divide between HOPE and DESPAIR, the first positive, the second, terribly negative. And overall..? I AM *HUMBLED* - now I would take it easy on others and be more tactful in my dealings with them. They are ONLY HUMAN too, besides I NEED THEM as much as they NEED ME! Now wisdom is ingrained in me! How do I give feedback..? Well now that I understand my natural reaction and foolishness from the feedback that I receive myself, I must give feedback with HUMILITY and in a way that would bring above everything a POSITIVE outcome. What is the goal in mind for this feedback, what are the issue to be addressed (FOCUS), what is the collective purpose necessitating this feedback - what needs addressing, NOT ATTACKING the PERSON - always remember, "IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME"! And More importantly GIVE FEEDBACK OUT OF LOVE!!! Everyone here is a WINNER because we CHOOSE it SO and our FATHER IN HEAVEN IS A WINNER, we cannot be any different - that's why we leverage ON HIS GRACE and give ourselves to HIS PURPOSES. I'm proud of COMMAND JOS and you all! *Lets us remember SARAAH when next we give someone a feedback.* God bless you! Gabriel '85 set. On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 at 2:27 PM, <[email protected]> wrote: > ** > > > **Hello all, > > Now I can comment. I really don't have anything to say though. We are all > happy this is resolved. I know say we just dey play. I never see senior > Tony vex before oh. I go dey early reach meeting now oh. Lol. This is one > big happy family. Thank God it's back to normal. > > Taiwo Akinosho > 92 Set. > Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria. > ------------------------------ > *From: *[email protected] > *Sender: *[email protected] > *Date: *Wed, 27 Mar 2013 13:03:00 +0000 > *To: *<[email protected]> > *ReplyTo: *[email protected] > *Subject: *Re: [Jos Commandos] Open Letter To George Igboanugu > > > > **Dear Great Commandos, > I must confess that the kind of over flow of concern and love shown by > people that know me and most especially those that don't know me in person > has brought me to this point. > Let me say thank you to you all and a VERY BIG SORRY to u all. > Senior Victor indeed called me and also made it possible for me 2 speak > wit SNR GEORGE. > All is well that ends well. This matter has been resolved. > I sincerely APOLOGISE in particular to Senior George and in general to you > ALL. Please this is an episode that l would love to put behind me and that > is only possible with your help. > COJOSA is Great and will remain so. > Thank you for your understanding and anticipated forgiveness. > God bless. > > Anthony Akhidenor > Class of '88 > Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN > ------------------------------ > *From: *[email protected] > *Sender: *[email protected] > *Date: *Wed, 27 Mar 2013 10:56:54 +0000 > *To: *<[email protected]> > *ReplyTo: *[email protected] > *Subject: *Re: [Jos Commandos] Open Letter To George Igboanugu > > > > **My dear Oga Victor, > > With all sense of humility l stand corrected. > I have submitted my self to wiser Counsel. > Please kindly accept my Apology. > I ascribe to the call for a Spiritual rebirth in this regard. > Blessed are the PEACEMAKERS. > Sir, l look forward to your call. > > Tony > Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN > ------------------------------ > *From: *Victor Okhai <[email protected]> > *Sender: *[email protected] > *Date: *Wed, 27 Mar 2013 11:37:31 +0100 > *To: *[email protected]<[email protected]> > *ReplyTo: *[email protected] > *Cc: *Command Jos<[email protected]>; command secondary< > [email protected]>; commandsecondary< > [email protected]> > *Subject: *Re: [Jos Commandos] Open Letter To George Igboanugu > > > > Dear Tony, > I am very distressed and unhappy to be reading things like this in an open > forum. I also think these personal attacks are unnecessary and unjustified. > Is this the command spirit we profess? I am ashamed! I shall be calling > both of you privately to discuss this issue and I hope this is the last > time I read this kind of no-holds-barred mail from you especially Tony. I > say so not with any pretense at any authority but because it is the > responsible thing to do and a further degeneration can only be > counterproductive. > Thank you, > Victor okhai '82 > > Sent from my iPhone > > On 26 Mar 2013, at 17:20, tony denor <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > * * > *REPLY TO GEORGE IGBOANUGO (AKA DOCTOR,aka - INTERIM NATIONAL CHAIRMAN > COJOSA WORLDWIDE)* > Dear ‘Senior’ George, > Your reply to my mail titled ‘Let The Truth Be Told’ was well read by > me. Your choice of words, name calling and insults came as no surprise to > me but *l am sure 99% of Commandos will be shocked and sad to read such > personal attack on individuals and even Family so publicly* especially > from a supposed SENIOR. > You have really taken us to a different level this time. > You failed to objectively address the issues l raised in my mail and > unfortunately decided to be *CHILDISH in your utterances and comments*. > Your write up have shown how intolerant you are to constructive > criticisms. It is obvious from your write up that the contents of my mail > has caused you several sleepless nights and most likely you are having a > Nervous Breakdown. > Note that in my write up l have no problem with the ‘Nite of The Red > Necks’ my issue was how the Interim National Committee was set up, who made > the appointments, why those group of people, why the secrecy, etc. > In my write up and you know it l only named two persons in order to > describe a particular situation. All those persons you have mentioned in > your mail that l insulted and called names are again a failed attempt by > you to create enmity between us. These persons can read between the lines. > You have now made a feeble attempt to answer my questions (putting the > cart before the horse). You have equally tried in vain by stating names of > persons who you think am against and are with you, thereby once again > trying your best to polarise the COJOSA Family. I have no problem with > individuals that’s why l did not mention your name or members of the > committee of friends, as is true, not all members of your COF were aware of > your motives until very late. The Chapter Presidents did not except for > maybe Mary, I focused on the issue which you have failed to do. > Hence, you have descended so low to name calling and being abusive. You > ought to realize that other people share our views so rather than > personalizing it you should have addressed the issues concerned but that is > your way – DESTRUCTIVE. > You even went too far by *describing the Akhidenor Family as ‘What A > Family’*. Am ,quite sure that even your father who was a former VP of > CSSJ will be very disappointed and shocked by that remark and so will every > member of this Forum. > My question is that – has it come to this? Senior George, you want us to > start abusing our families?. What a SENIOR you are indeed, what an > ‘educated person’ you are, what a ‘human being’ you are. > *You are definitely a good example of a BAD SENIOR.* > ** > *You have exposed how Immature and Uncultured you are*. Since l came out > with that write up you have made frantic efforts to discredit me by trying > to recruit several persons those who have divergent views you have labelled > as Rebels. You have cajoled people to write on this issue to support you, l > have facts. Do you really think you have a monopoly of knowledge, do you > really think you can suppress the voice of the people, hence your grand > design to appoint yourself - Interim National Chairman (Chairman of > yourself, for yourself and by yourself). > My main gross is that you are a Dictator, you want everyone to dance to > your tune, haba ‘My Oga At The Top’. > Your so called interim committee did not include people from the ‘90s, > and ‘00s. What a committee indeed, so you think that our COJOSA is for the > ‘80s only? That goes to show that you don’t possess the required skill, > experience and temperament to Captain the COJOSA ship even in an Interim > Capacity. > We have very good seniors in COJOSA, big Brothers and sisters, who > realize that they are not perfect, they are humble and God fearing, they > encourage the younger ones, they equally know that even from the mouth of > babies wisdom can be found. You don’t belong in this group,* ‘PERFECT > SENIOR GEORGE’ what you have earned is NOTORIOUS GEORGE.* > The Abuja chapter members know me far better than you would, they know > that decisions are taken jointly in the house, l do carry them along. > Even my write up regarding how the Chapter Presidents met and decided > that we should inform our various chapters and meet in June 2013 to > harmonise the various views is a pointer that l belong to a democratic > setting, it is clear you purposely read my mail upside down to make your > selfish points. > My mail was my personal recount of what happened on that faithful > Saturday as l explained to Snr. Ter Akaa, and Godwin Okpe, (these are > people that are very dear to me professionally and otherwise) . All the > individuals you mentioned are very close to me and you will not destroy our > friendship as that is your stock in trade. > You have admitted that you do not belong to any Chapter, l am Abuja > Chapter President not by mouth but by deeds and duly elected if you must > know. > ‘Senior George’ you don’t know me. I have very good relationship with my > seniors l don’t hate them rather l usually seek their counsel, l enjoy > their company and always love to be around them (if l hate my seniors then > my juniors would equally hate me too) but, of course l do not like seniors > like you. > Senior Birigeni had wanted me to be in Abuja last weekend for a meeting > (possibly with you) to resolve this issue but l told him respectfully that > l was out of town and would be available during the Easter break, he > promised to get back to me as he has a busy schedule too, he is a COJOSA > Statesman and l feel bad ‘cause this issue is stressing’ him, because he is > a man of PEACE. > I have learnt long time ago that if there is anything that would make me > ‘lower my eyes’ when asked by someone about anything concerning me, l > should avoid such. This is something you have definitely not learned Senior > George, l won’t be intimidated by you as l stand by what l wrote earlier. > You have quoted lies about me, when you don’t know me, you have printed > tissues of lies that people can see through. I met you for the first time > in my life that evening and we talked (it was more like a monologue) for > less than 30 minutes what an impression you made. > If you had spoken or listened to Senior Birigeni am sure you would have > avoided this embarrassment to yourself and your Family. > Like l stated you may be a Senior but you lack very clear leadership > traits. Is this how you engage with your juniors?, am sure you regret we > are not in CSSJ so you can give me the *beating of my life*, but times > have changed and now l can give you the beating of your life if you are MAN > enough to insult me face to face. > You have equally shown how naive you are, so you formed FRSC (with your > money abi?) so why don’t you tell us how many Commandos you employed and > those that are paying royalties to you. Maybe you employed Andy and he is > not paying his tithe to you hence the annoyance. Tell us how you used FRSC > to build COJOSA please, so we can all clap and doff our hats to you,’*Mr. Let > Me Blow My Own Trumpet’ indeed the pot calling the kettle black. > * > Senior George, you have obviously never achieved anything worth > mentioning in your INGLORIOUS LIFE hence your desperate attempts to gain > relevance in COJOSA by ALL MEANS possible. *What kind of ‘Cut and Nail’ > doctor are you?* > From your mail (which you painstakingly wrote) one can deduce that* you > are in COJOSA to destroy*. No normal human being will write such rubbish > and expect to get away with it. You are indeed a *SHAME and EMBRASSMENT*to the > *Igboanugu Family (especially your Father – the real reason he didn’t > come for the Event was because he knows how irresponsible you are and not > the flimsy excuse you gave us regarding his absence),your friends and the > whole COJOSA*. You have indeed left a sour taste in our mouths as no one > expected to open their mail and read the rubbish you posted. > I had promised some seniors and friends that l was not going to make any > further comments on this issue but with your post they can all see that l > have no choice but to react. > Goodbye* ‘SENIOR’ GEORGE, as l don’t intend reading from you and your > paid Agents.* > > >
