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Subject: [Peoples War] TINAF 5:98 (#626) -- U.S. Press Pushes Phoney Bomb
Story
Dear Friends,
Below is a special issue devoted to the false stories still circulated by
the U.S. press about the Arab bomb, based on copies of a humor magazine.
One of our principles is to never permit fascists to get away with
anything. Since they delayed roughly eight issues of the journal we will
respond by publishing eight additional special issues.
This is the first.
__________________________________________________________________________
The Internet Anti-Fascist: Thursday, 6 December 2001
Vol. 5, Number 98 (#626)
Special Issue: U.S. Press Pushes Phoney Bomb Story
__________________________________________________________________________
01) Peter Bell (NY Transfer News), "BBC, Times of London Snarked by bin
Laden's Sense of Humor," 20 Nov 01
02) DailyRotten, "Taliban Thwarted by Irreproducible Result," 16 Nov 01
03) The Journal of Irreproducible Results, "How To Build An Atom Bomb,"
1979 (Vol. 25, No. 4)
04) Nicola Jones (New Scientist), "Taliban 'Secret' Nuclear Documents
Mirror 1979 Satire Article," 20 Nov 01
05) Anthony Loyd (The Times of London), "Bin Laden's nuclear secrets
found -- Times reporter finds blueprint for 'Nagasaki bomb' --
Singed files left by fleeing terrorists," 15 Nov 01
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01) BBC, Times of London Snarked by bin Laden's Sense of Humor
Peter Bell (NY Transfer News)
20 Nov 01
Wired is reporting that the Beeb and Times of London -- followed by the
world's press and later by Rummy and Powell -- raced to comment on nuclear
plans in one of Bad Boy bin Laden's Houses of Horror -- without looking at
said plans terribly hard.
Turns out the "plans" in question -- or at least those shown on the Tee Vee
-- come originally from the Journal of Irreproducible Results, a science
humor magazine of long standing. The "plans" end with the following list
of "Previous Months' Columns:"
1. Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979 2. Let's Make a Solar System!
June, 1979 3. Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979 4. Let's Make an
Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979 5. Let's Make Contact with an Alien
Race! September, 1979
This absurdity was first picked up at Rotten <http://www.dailyrotten.com/>
who have screen shots of the video footage on display. One still includes
the endnote from the paper, which means whoever had the thing in their hot
little hands must surely have seen the listing of prior columns; if they'd
read the endnote and had been even marginally literate it's invocation of
"Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marisum" would have been a Large Clue:
Saturium? Jupiternium? Marisum? These are not elements. These are, in
fact, not words.
Kudos to Rotten for noticing this and posting the damning stills.
While the BBC has had its man apologize now for claiming to have
singlehandedly liberated Kabul, I don't know that they've admitted this
clusterfuck yet. I don't expect Rummy or Powell to ever admit to it, as
that would come under the heading of "commenting on intelligence sources
and methods" I betcha.
While our intelligence sources may not have realized that this was satire
until they had their faces rubbed in it, whoever in the BadBoy organization
printed this one ceratinly knew they were printing a joke out. Don't
believe me? Read it for yourself below. Be the judge - and jury and
executioner - for yourself, just like in one of Shrubya's new flying
military tribunals.
- - - - -
02) Taliban Thwarted by Irreproducible Result
DailyRotten
16 Nov 01
Newspaper Reporter Anthony Loyd of The Times newspaper in London and BBC
Correspondent John Simpson are brave and hearty souls, wandering in the
aftermath of the fall of Kabul and the withdrawing of the Taliban to points
south. In a special report to the BBC and the Times, they walk among the
ruins and find a building that contains a wasteland the Taliban soldiers
have left behind: forgotten manuals, live hand grenades, and hats with the
new al-Qaeda logo on them.
After displaying images of this weaponry, and papers littering the floor,
Simpson shows us his two most horrifying finds: A piece of paper with the
word "ricin" on it, and plans for a thermonuclear device!
So as not to allow terrorists around the world to gain the plans to this
bomb, the camera scrolls down the instructions quickly, and focus on just a
few words:
"Theory of Operation...The device basically works when..."
"Plutonium (PU), atomic number...and is similar to..."
Scary words indeed; the keys to nuclear destruction, just laying out here
on this forgotten desk! How could these well-guarded secrets have leaked to
the Taliban?
Well, this is where it gets a little funny. You see, those words appear on
a semi-famous document that has made the rounds on the Internet since the
late 1980's. It's a reprint of a scientific parody called "How to Build an
Atom Bomb" from a humor newsletter called The Annals of Improbable Research
(AIR). At the time this document was originally written (1979!), the
newsletter was called the "Journal of Irreproducible Results". (In
scientific circles, a finding must be reproducible to be considered valid.
Hence... well, it's geek humor. You understand.)
In Mr. Loyd's Times article, he describes with baited breath the terrible
secrets on the page:
"The vernacular quickly spun out of my comprehension but there were phrases
through the mass of chemical symbols and physics jargon that anyone could
understand, including notes on how the detonation of TNT compresses
plutonium into a critical mass producing a nuclear chain reaction and
eventually a thermo-nuclear reaction...."
Here, then, is a paragraph from the parody document:
"The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium
into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain
recation similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column,
"Dominos on the March", March, 1968). The chain reaction then promptly
produces a big thermonuclear reaction.
And there you have it, a 10 megaton explosion!"
To find these joke atomic bomb plans, do a web search for "The device
basically works" and look for mentions of "Let's Build an Atomic Bomb!". It
gives us pause and joy to know the Taliban are wasting their time
downloading what amounts to joke mail and spending time trying to discern
the facts therein.
Next time, Misters Loyd and Simpson should glance further down the
terrorist papers they find, where they might have read these words:
"PREVIOUS MONTHS' COLUMNS... Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine!"
And compare this with:
<http://winn.com/bs/atombomb.html>
- - - - -
03) How To Build An Atom Bomb
The Journal of Irreproducible Results
1979 (Vol. 25, No. 4)
INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court
decisions in the United States which have restricted popular magazines from
printing articles which describe how to make an atomic bomb. [Note: The
most notable case was against 'The Progressive' magazine, which published
an article based entirely on publicly available scientific information --
NY Transfer Ed.]
The reason usually given by the courts is that national security would be
compromised if such information were generally available.
But, since it is commonly known that all of the information is publicly
available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the court's
officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely,
that such atomic devices would prove too difficult for the average citizen
to construct. The United States courts cannot afford to insult the vast
majorities by insinuating that they do not have the intelligence of a
cabbage, and thus the "official" press releases claim national security as
a blanket restriction.
The rumors that have unfortunately occurred as a result of widespread
misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now, for the construction
project this month is the construction of a thermonuclear device, which
will hopefully clear up any misconceptions you might have about such a
project. We will see how easy it is to make a device of your very own in
ten easy steps, to have and hold as you see fit, without annoying
interference from the government or the courts.
The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000, depending on how fancy
you want the final product to be. Since last week's column, "Let's Make a
Time Machine", was received so well in the new step-by-step format, this
month's column will follow the same
format.
CONSTRUCTION METHOD
First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade Plutonium at your
local supplier (see NOTE 1). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as
large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers
unhappy. We suggest that you contact your local terrorist organization, or
perhaps the Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.
Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is
somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling
the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat
it. Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You
may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your
local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common
varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as, for
example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick. Do not use tinfoil.
Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by about 4 cm.
Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together.
Now get about 100 pounds (220 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite is
much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man will be
happy to provide you with this item.
Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4.
If you cannot find Gelignite, fell free to use TNT packed in with Playdo or
any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get
fancy at this point.
Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 3.
Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere arrangement
against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result
from vibration or mishandling.
To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as
found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a modicum of effort, a remote
plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small
explosion. These detonatior caps can be found in the electrical supply
section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand
because they are no deposit-no return.
Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage
is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of
temperatures experienced there. Nuclear devices have been known to
spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or
under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.
Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It is a
great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch, can be used for national
defense.
THEORY OF OPERATION
The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium
into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain
recation similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column,
"Dominos on the March", March, 1968). The chain reaction then promptly
produces a big thermonuclear reaction.
And there you have it, a 10 megaton explosion!
NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN
In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your neighbor's wife in
six easy steps. This project promises to be an exciting weekend full of fun
and profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next
month!
NOTES
1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element
formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to
Uranium, Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marisum.
PREVIOUS MONTH'S COLUMNS
Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979
Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979
- - - - -
04) Taliban 'Secret' Nuclear Documents Mirror 1979 Satire Article
Nicola Jones (New Scientist)
20 Nov 01
Documents found strewn on the floor of a Taliban recruitment centre in
Kabul, apparently describing how to build a thermonuclear device, may not
be as frightening as they first seem.
The papers were picked out by BBC correspondent John Simpson and showed, he
said, "how dangerous Bin Laden's Al Qaeda network aspired to be".
But the sentences shown in focus by the camera also come from a famous
document called "Weekend Scientist: Let's Make a Thermonuclear Device",
which was first published in 1979 as a humour piece by The Journal of
Irreproducible Results.
The paper was written in response to US court decisions of the time that
restricted popular magazines from detailing how to make a bomb.
Since all the information is freely available in public libraries anyway,
the author said, he decided to provide a humorous "ten easy steps" proving
how easy bomb building can be.
Written in jest
While the gist of these instructions may be accurate, for example giving
suggested relative proportions of plutonium and TNT, they are written
completely in jest.
The first instruction tells readers to obtain weapons grade plutonium at
their "local supplier". It continues: "A nuclear power plant is not
recommended, as large quantities of missing plutonium tends to make plant
engineers unhappy. We suggest you contact your local terrorist
organization."
The US Department of Energy generally refuses to comment on the accuracy of
such documents. But they do say that about five kilograms of plutonium is
theoretically enough to make a nuclear explosive device, while the recipe
in The Journal of Irreproducible Results calls for 110 kilograms of
plutonium.
Cloned wife
The BBC film only allows a few parts of the documents to be read, but these
few phrases are exactly as found in the 1979 paper: "Theory of operation
... the device basically works when ... critical mass then produces a
nuclear chain reaction ... Plutonium (PU), atomic number ... and is similar
in ...".
"From what I've seen, this is certainly a shortened version of the original
article," says Marc Abrahams, former editor of The Journal of
Irreproducible Results.
Some of the more obviously absurd parts of the original are missing from
the document in Kabul, such as a paragraph starting "in next month's
column, we will learn how to clone your neighbor's wife in six easy steps."
The Kabul document also has paragraph returns in odd places, as if someone
had cut and pasted the text.
Even so, says Abrahams, "if you spend half a second scanning any of this
you should be able to tell it's a joke." He adds that if the instructions
were made more believable by removing the ridiculous parts, there would be
practically nothing left.
Simpson noted that the Afghan secret service had visited the centre before
him and removed documents. He also qualified his report by saying that
"maybe the really dangerous-sounding documents on nuclear fission and
missiles were just fantasy".
BBC press officer Chris Reed in London: "It's safe to say that he chose his
words with care. I need to get to the bottom of it."
- - - - -
05) Bin Laden's nuclear secrets found -- Times reporter finds blueprint for
'Nagasaki bomb' -- Singed files left by fleeing terrorists
Anthony Loyd (The Times of London)
15 Nov 01
KABUL -- Osama Bin Laden's al-Qaeda network held detailed plans for nuclear
devices and other terrorist bombs in one of its Kabul headquarters. The
Times discovered the partly burnt documents in a hastily abandoned safe
house in the Karta Parwan quarter of the city. Written in Arabic, German,
Urdu and English, the notes give detailed designs for missiles, bombs and
nuclear weapons. There are descriptions of how the detonation of TNT
compresses plutonium into a critical mass, sparking a chain reaction, and
ultimately a thermonuclear reaction.
Both President Bush and British ministers are convinced that bin Laden has
access to nuclear material and Mr Bush said earlier this month that al-
Qaeda was "seeking chemical, biological and nuclear weapons."
The discovery of the detailed bomb-making instructions, along with studies
into chemical and nuclear devices, confirms the West�s worst fears and
raises the spectre of plans for an attack that would far exceed the
September 11 atrocities in scale and gravity.
Nuclear experts say the design suggests that bin Laden may be working on a
fission device, similar to Fat Man, the bomb dropped on Nagasaki. However,
they emphasised that it was extremely difficult to build a viable warhead.
While the terrorists may not yet have the capability to build such weapons,
their hopes of doing so are clear. One set of notes, written on headed
notepaper from the Hotel Grand in Peshawar and dated April 26, 1998, says:
"Naturally the explosive liquid has a very high mechanical energy which is
translated into destructive force. But it can be tamed, controlled and can
be used as a useful propulsive fuel if certain methods are applied to it. A
supersonic moving missile has a shock wave. That shock wave can be used to
contain an external combustion behind the missile ..."
The document was one of many found in two of four al-Qaeda houses which had
been used by Arabs and Pakistanis and even reportedly by bin Laden himself.
The houses -- two in the Karta Parwan district and the others further to
the east -- were abandoned on Monday as Taleban units and their allies fled
the city.
Attempts had been made to burn the evidence, but many documents still
remained. They included studies into the development of a kinetic energy
supergun capable of firing chemical or nuclear warheads, external
propulsion missiles, preliminary research on the creation of a
thermonuclear device, as well as a multitude of instructions for making
smaller bombs.
There were also studies into Western special forces� hostage rescue
techniques, phone numbers for industrial chemical and synthetic producers,
flight manuals, aerodynamic research, and advanced physics and chemistry
manuals.
The houses were identified by local people. Looters had concentrated on
more appetising objects, ignoring foreign language documents that were of
no use to them.
Bin Laden sees it as his "religious duty" to obtain a nuclear bomb. In an
interview with a Pakistani journalist last week, he threatened: "If America
used chemical or nuclear weapons against us then we may retort with
chemical and nuclear weapons as deterrent."
Intelligence agencies already have indirect evidence from defectors,
middlemen and scientists of bin Laden�s obsession with obtaining or
producing a nuclear device.
Al-Qaeda agents are known to have spent more than �1 million trying to
obtain enough fissile material to make a "dirty bomb" that, if detonated
with TNT in a populous area, could kill thousands and contaminate it for
decades.
Intelligence sources told The Times last month that bin Laden and al-Qaeda
had acquired nuclear materials illegally from Pakistan. And at least ten
Pakistani nuclear scientists have been contacted by agents for the Taleban
and al-Qaeda in the past two years, according to reports.
Fears that bin Laden has components for a nuclear weapon is believed to lie
behind the warnings from President Bush and Tony Blair that he would commit
worse atrocities than the suicide assaults in America if he could.The Prime
Minister�s spokesman said: "Bin Laden would have killed 600,000 people on
September 11 if he could have done. This underlines again why he has to be
stopped."
* * * * *
In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. section 107, this material is
distributed without profit or payment to those who have expressed a prior
interest in receiving this information for non-profit research and
educational purposes only.
__________________________________________________________________________
FASCISM:
We have no ethical right to forgive, no historical right to forget.
(No permission required for noncommercial reproduction)
- - - - -
back issues archived via:
<ftp://ftp.nyct.net/pub/users/tallpaul/publish/tinaf/>
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