Christian Seberino wrote:
On Wed, March 28, 2007 4:05 pm, Gabriel Sechan wrote:
Well thanks for your honesty. If you also allow your wife to leave you
if
she finds some characteristic in you or a condition she doesn't like then
it sounds like you are being consistent. I hope she doesn't have bad
pizza someday and decide to leave you for some flimsy reason. And I
assume if we asked her she'd agree that's the deal?...that she isn't
assuming you'll stick around if you find something displeasing in her?
You know, I think this post perfectly shows your problems in this
conversation. You look at everything in terms of absolutes. You must be
absolutely committed, or not committed at all.
I appreciate your post. If you reread my post above you'll see I never
told him he had to do anything. I was just making clear *his* decisions
and pointing out worries that *I* would have. I even gave him a
compliment by saying he was being consistent (if he really means what he
said). So I'm not sure why that seemed to bother you so much.
Its the same thing in relationships. Commitment does not have to, and
usually does not mean you're committed until the end of eternity. The
idea
that it does is quite frankly stupid- to make that kind of commitment
both
people would need to be static entities- to never change, to never grow.
Noone can make that type of commitment, because a promise to never change
is
not one a person can honestly make- we can't control how circumstances
shape us.
You seem to be associating commitment with not being able to change. Me
and my wife are VERY different from the people we were 14 years ago when
we got married.
Nor do relationships stay at the same
level- they all start out on the 0 commitment side, and slide up and down
the scale over the life of the relationship.
Commitment is a *decision* not a *feeling*. I agree that *feelings* may
go up and down but a decision is something you have 100% control over to
make or not make.
the vast majority of people don't need that level, and many don't want it.
Are you saying the *vast* majority *don't* want their spouses completely
committed to them?
The level you expect to have would quite frankly scare me, it would
require
one or both people to subjugate their personality to the relationship.
I'm not sure what you mean by this. My wife and I are completely
He's saying that it's not possible for two people to be completely in
sync with one another and in order for them to have a total committment
between them it would be necessary for at least one of them to give up
their own sync (personality) and submit to the other's sync. He's
saying that total committment requires one personality to dominate the
other, or for one personality to get lost inside the other. No wonder
the concept of total committment scares him so much.
committed to each other and it *frees* us to be everything we want to be.
I try to support her and she supports me in my goals and ambitions. It is
a give and take. It frees us because we aren't worried that the other
person will leave because we are committed to each other. Maybe I missed
something.
Chris
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