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====> LABLaughsClean
=====> http://www.LABLaughs.com
======> Another F-R-E-E mailing from LABLaughs.com

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INTRODUCTION

Cheers Everybody.

One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of
 them do not exist except in our imaginations. 
-- Steve Allen

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QUICK JOKE

A story from a lady, who writes about her stint of jury duty: 

When the intimidating lawyer came to his question, "Do any
 of you here today dislike lawyers?" No one answered him.
 Before the pause became too long, though, the judge
 announced, "I do."

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CARTOON TIME

I SAID COAT

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WHAT WILL THEY FIND? 
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LEARN TO SPEAK SOUTHERN.

Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea
 to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters.
 And we're here to help... 

Hah Tu Spek Suthun: 

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." 
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." 

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of
 Florida. 
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck." 

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. 
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I
 taint herd from him in munts." 

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. 
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my
 pickup truck." 

FAR - noun. A conflagration. 
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all
 in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far." 

BAHS - noun. A supervisor. 
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words
 and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!" 

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. 
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh
 doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." 

TIRE - noun. A tall monument. 
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure
 do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." 

RETARD - Verb. To stop working. 
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65." 

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. 
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats." 

FARN - adjective. Not local. 
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from
 some farn country." 

JU-HERE - a question. 
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy
 Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?" 

HAZE - a contraction. 
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert." 

VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. 
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?" 

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. 
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"

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ANAGRAMMAR

George Bush:  When you rearrange the letters:   He Bugs Gore 
Dormitory:                "                     : Dirty Room 
Evangelist:               "                   : Evil's Agent 
Desperation:              "                 : A Rope Ends It 
The Morse Code:           "                 : Here Come Dots 
Slot Machines:            "                : Cash Lost in Em 
Animosity:                "                    : Is No Amity 
Mother-in-law:            "                   : Woman Hitler 
Snooze Alarms:            "               : Alas No More Z's 
A Decimal Point:          "             : I'm a Dot in Place 
The Earthquakes:          "               : That Queer Shake 
Eleven plus two:          "                : Twelve plus one 
President Clinton of the USA:     "   : To Copulate he finds

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For every bracelet your customers order, 
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LIMERICS.

There was a young man from Leeds,
 Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
        Within an hour
 his nose was a flower,
And his head was a riot of weeds.

This man from Quebec
 Wrapped both his legs round his neck,
But then he forgot
 How to undo the knot,
And now he's an absolute wreck.

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We claim no copyrights to the material in our mailing lists,
if you do Forward it then please leave it intact. If you
wish to reproduce material, then permission is granted, a
link and credit would be nice but is in no way required.

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Please feel free to send us any feedback or comments about
this, or any other LABLaughs Service. We aim to please. Just
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Don't forget to visit our site at http://www.LABLaughs.com

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