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====> LABLaughsClean
=====> http://www.LABLaughs.com
======> Another F-R-E-E mailing from LABLaughs.com

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INTRODUCTION

Be Cheerful!

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.     
 
- Will Durant

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QUICK JOKE

A man goes to his doctor. 'If I see someone riding a bike 
when I'm walking down the street, I get this terrible urge 
to throw myself under the wheels. Do you think I'm mad?' 

The doctor thinks for a moment, then says; 'No, you're 
just a cycle path.'

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CANADA...

On the sixth day, God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, 
"Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be 
a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall 
majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and 
beautiful sparkly lakes teeming with carp and trout. There 
shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs 
overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and 
rivers stocked with salmon." 

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so that 
the inhabitants prosper, and I shall call these inhabitants 
Canadians. They shall be known as the most friendly people 
on the earth." 

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being 
too generous to these Canadians?" 

"Not really," God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbors 
I am going to give them."

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MAKES SENSE!

Homer was working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through 
the buzz saw, and accidentally sliced off all ten of his 
fingers. 

He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor who examines him 
is really disturbed at such a tragedy. "Oh, yuck! Well, 
that's all right, Homer, give me the fingers and I'll see 
what I can do for you." 

"I haven't got the fingers," Homer said, gasping through his 
pain. 

The doctor said, "What do you mean, you haven't got the 
fingers? It's 2001. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of 
incredible techniques. I could have reattached the fingers. 
You'd be as good as new! Why didn't you bring the fingers?" 

"Well, geez, Doc," Homer groaned, "I couldn't pick 'em up."

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DOG FIGHT!

The Americans and russians at the height of the arms race 
realized that if they continued in the usual manner they 
were going to blow up the whole dispute with one dog fight. 
They gave each other five years to breed the biggest meanest 
fighting dogs the world had ever seen and whichever's 
country lost would have to lay down it's arms. 

The Russians found the biggest meanest Dobermans and 
Rottweilers in the world and bred them with the biggest 
meanest Siberan Wolves. They selected only the biggest and 
the strongest puppy from each litter, killed all his 
siblings and gave him all the milk. They used steriods and 
trainers and after five years came up with the biggest
meanest dog the world had ever seen. It's cage needed steel 
bars five inches thick and nobody could ever get near it. 

When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up 
with a strange animal. It was a 9-foot long dachshound. 
Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew 
there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 
seconds with the Russian dog. 

When the cages opened up, the dachshound came out of his 
cage and slowly waddled over toward the Russian dog. The 
Russian dog snarled and leaped out of his cage but when it 
got close enough to bite the American dog's neck, the 
dachshound oped it's mouth and swalled the Russian dog 
whole. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. 
The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads 
in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have 
happend. We had our best people working for five years with 
the meanest dobermans and Rottweilers in the world." 

"Really", the Americans replied "We had our best plastic 
surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look 
like a dachshound.

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