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~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ====> LABLaughsClean =====> http://www.LABLaughs.com ======> Another F-R-E-E mailing from LABLaughs.com ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * <><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><> STOP GAGGING ON FISTFULS OF VITAMINS.... Life Force has been manufacturing liquid vitamins for 21 years. http://www.pillfreevitamins.com/godlewskis/vitamins.htm <a href="http://www.pillfreevitamins.com/godlewskis/vitamins.htm";> AOL users click here </a> <><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><> ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.- INTRODUCTION Best Wishes! Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. - Jimi Hendrix ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.- QUICK JOKE Tech Support: What does the screen say now? InDUHvidual: It says to hit enter when ready. Tech Support: Well? 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WINDOWS: You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is a freight train. MAC SYSTEM 8: You get in the car to go to the store and the car drives you to church. UNIX: You get in the car and type GREP STORE. After reaching 2000 mph en route, you arrive at the barber's shop. WINDOWS NT: You get in the car and write a letter that says 'go to the store'. Then you get out of the car and nail the letter to the dashboard. TALIGENT/PINK: You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet. OS/2: After fuelling up with 6000 gallons of gas you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everyone in town. S/36 SSP: You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way you are run over by kids on mopeds. AS/400: An attendant kicks you into the car and then drives you to the store where you watch everyone else buy filets mignon. BeOSYour car goes faster, looks better, draws amazed stares everywhere you go, and has amazing preformance. Yet, when you try to fill it up, you find that it is incompatable with almost all know gas products. ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.- <><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><> ITT Technical Institute is one of the nation's leading providers of technology education. Click here for FREE information about what we have to offer at our 70 locations nationwide. http://psstt.com/1/c/22998/55107/187978/187978 <a href="http://psstt.com/1/c/22998/55107/187978/187978";> AOL users click here </a> <><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><> ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.- IN THE BOOK! A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book." "How current is your copy?" he asks. "I get a download every ten minutes." St. Peter replies, "Why do you ask?" "I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet." "I'm glad to hear that, "Peter says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?" The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Hmmm, well there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of them harassing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next." "So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!'" St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen" "About three minutes ago." ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.- <><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><> I've entered a great promotion over at CruiseSweeps.com You can Win a FREE Cruise-A-Day- 365 days a year. It's true! 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The second speaker, from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but my washing as well. The crowd again cheered. The third speaker, a Cajun lady from Thibodaux, Louisiana, stood up and said, "Afta last year's conference, I went rat home and tole dat lazy Coonass husband 'o mine, Boudreaux, dat I wadn't gonna do no mo'a his cookin', cleanin' or shoppin' and dat he wuz gonna have to do it all fer hissef." The crowd got to their feet and roared approval. When it became quiet, she continued, "And I tole'em I wadn't gonna be doin' no mo cleanin' 'em nasty crawfeesh, giggin' no mo boolfrogs and water dawgs, skinnin' none'a dem musrats and nutrias or check'n no mo catfeesh trotlines." The crowd went wild - the cheering and clapping lasted for at least five minutes. When it again became calm, she continued, "Afta the fust day, I didn't saw nuttin'. Afta the second day, I didn't saw nuttin' too. But afta the thud day, I could saw a little bit outta my left eye." ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.- <><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><> 12 CDs for FREE (plus s&h)! What are you waiting for? This great deal alone should be music to your ears. With so many titles to choose from, you�re bound to find some essential titles you just can't live without! 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