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====> LABLaughsClean
=====> http://www.LABLaughs.com
======> Another F-R-E-E mailing from LABLaughs.com

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<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

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INTRODUCTION

Good Wishes!

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, 
because you might not get there.

- Yogi Berra

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QUICK JOKE

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon 
dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother 
and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will 
he let us go?"

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CARTOON TIME

EAT SWEETS!

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FREE Cruise-A-Day- 365 days a year!!!

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ADMITTANCE TO HEAVEN!

A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the 
Pearly Gates. 

The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit 
more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have 
managed to slip into Heaven without being detected. 

He queries the first candidate:"What was your annual salary, 
and what was your profession? "I made $150,000 as an 
Attorney" comes the reply. "You may enter" says the Angel. 

Second candidate, same question. "I made $95,000, I was a 
realtor." He is also permitted to enter. Now it is the third 
man's turn. 

"My annual salary was $8,000." "Cool!" replies the Angel, 
"and what instrument did you play?"

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AGRI-COWS.....

NORTH AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, 
and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You 
are surprised when the cow drops dead. 

FRENCH: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want 
three cows. 

JAPANESE: You have two cows. You redesign them to 1/10 the 
size of ordinary cows, producing 20 times the milk. You then 
create clever cow cartoons called Cowkimon and market them 
worldwide. 

GERMAN: You have two cows, re-engineered so they'll live for 
100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves. 

BRITISH: You have two cows. Both are mad. 

RUSSIAN: You have two cows. You count them and learn you 
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42. 
You count them again and learn you have 12. You stop 
counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. 

SWISS: You have 5,000 cows. None belongs to you. You charge 
others for storing them. 

HINDU: You have two cows. You worship them. 

CHINESE: You have two cows and 300 people milking them. You 
claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest 
the newsman who questions the numbers.

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<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

ITT Technical Institute is one of the nation's leading 
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AGE IS A FUNNY THING!

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like 
to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years 
old, you're so excited about aging that you think in 
fractions. How old are you?.... "I'm four and a half" .... 
You're never 36 and a half .... you're four and a half going 
on five! 

That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold 
you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm 
gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. 

And then the greatest day of your life happens .... you 
become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .... you 
BECOME 21 ... YES!!! 

But then you turn 30 .... ooohhh what happened there? Makes 
you sound like bad milk .... He TURNED, we had to throw him 
out. There's no fun now. 

What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, 
then you're PUSHING 40 ..... stay over there, it's all 
slipping away ........ 

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 
..... and your dreams are gone. 

Then you MAKE IT to 60 ..... you didn't think you'd make 
it!!!! 

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you 
REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 ...... then you build up so much 
speed you HIT 70! 

After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT 
Wednesday .... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. My 
grandmother won't even buy green bananas .... it's an 
investment you know, and maybe a bad one. 

And it doesn't end there .... into the 90's you start going 
backwards .... I was JUST 92 ... 

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you 
become a little kid again .... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!"

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<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

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if you do Forward it then please leave it intact. If you
wish to reproduce material, then permission is granted, a
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Please feel free to send us any feedback or comments about
this, or any other LABLaughs Service. We aim to please. Just
send mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] and we'll try to please you!

Don't forget to visit our site at http://www.LABLaughs.com

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If you've got a Canon or Epson printer and need new ink...
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