A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man," the priest replied. "Imagine that," the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have arthritis, Father," the drunk said, "but I just read in the paper that the Pope does!"
So I said to this Chinese waiter, "Are there any Chinese jews?" So he went away and when he came back he said, "No, there's only apple juice, pineapple juice..." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --- I went to the doctor's the other day and I said, "Have you got anything for wind?" So he gave me a kite. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --- I went to the doctor and I said, "It hurts when I do that." He said, "Well, don't do it." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --- What do you call a Gorilla with a banana in each ear? Anything you like, he can't hear ya? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --- You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said, "Parking Fine." So that was nice. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --- My wife phoned me just before the show, and she said, "I've got water in the carburettor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the river." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --- I went to the dentist. He said my teeth are all right, but my gums have gotta come out. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --- I backed a horse today, 20 to 1 ... came in at 20 past 4. He was so late coming in, he had to tip-toe back to the stables. The Jockey kept hitting him with the whip and the horse said to him, "What are you doing that for? There's nobody behind us." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --- To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
