I had noticed on several flights a few years ago that the flight attendants were rushing through their "speech" and of course no one paid any attention to them. But when the F.A.s added something humorous or silly, attention really picked up. Evidently, the airlines (or safety gurus, whoever they are...) weren't amused. On a flight in September (first trip in several years...) the little T.V. screens came down and the whole safety presentation was professionally done on that... no jokes, plenty of computer graphics, flashing lights, color... boring, but it cost a lot more!
Clay ----- Original Message ----- From: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Monday, December 08, 2003 12:40 PM Subject: [lace-chat] High flyers? > Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety > lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some > real examples that have been heard or reported: > > 1. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your > lover, but > there are only 4 ways out of this airplane." > > 2. Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to > switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but > please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you > walk > on the wings it affects the flight pattern." > > 3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you > enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." > > 4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a > lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. Whoa!" > > 5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a > flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when > opening > the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell > everything has shifted." > > 6. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX > to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and > pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how > to > operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the > event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the > ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. f you > have a > small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. > If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love > mor > e." > > 7. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but > they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, > nobody > loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines." > > 8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an > emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments." > > 9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your > belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight > attendants. > Please do not leave children or spouses." > > 10. "Last one off the plane must clean it." > > 11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some > of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are > on this flight." > > 12. This was overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, > on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain > was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight > attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to > Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the > captain > taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!" > > 13. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We > ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounce s us to the > terminal." > > 14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his > ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the > first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and > give them a, "Thanks for flying XYZ air line." He said that in light of his > bad > landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that > someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except > for > this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, did we land or > were we shot down?" > > 15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant got > on the PA and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until > Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up > against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells > are > silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage > to the terminal." > > 16. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank > you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge > to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll > think of us here at US Airways." > > 17. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a > comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the > intercom, > "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number > 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, > therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and > relax - > OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back > on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you > earlier but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of > coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my > pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of > mine!" > > 18. Soon after the opening of Chicago's O'Hare Airport, plane was boarded, > left the gate and began taxiing to the runway. After a particularly long and > circuitous period of taxiing, the voice of a stewardess came on the PA system > and > announced, "Ladies & Gentlemen, when our pilot finds a filling station, we'll > get a road map and continue taxiing to Des Moines." > > 19. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the > pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be > turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the > appearance of your flight attendants > > To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: > unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to > [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
