From: B.R.
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has ever lived in Atlanta,
has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who
already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of
Atlanta, Georgia.
Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out
of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach
Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase,
"When you see the Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, all
directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused
with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask
anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all they drink there, so don't
ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola.
Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport is 32 miles away
from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM.
The 5pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2am
Saturday.
A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the
Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right
and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawns duh LEE-on".
The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget
all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed
for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15
minutes for a week. All grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread,
bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta that has a posted speed limit of
55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run
over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
Don't believe the directional markers on highways. I-285 is marked
"East" and "West" but you may be going "North" or "South". The locals
identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer
Loop". If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going
southeast.
Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the
interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a
couple no one has seen before.
If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store).
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you're 2 years old.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
If you understand these jokes, forward them to your friends from
Atlanta, Georgia and those who just wish they were.
--
Tamara P Duvall http://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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