I think we might have seen these before - but it laughter is good for the
soul.
Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals,
kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several residents were unappreciative of her activities... but feared her
enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she
accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup
truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to
George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's
house... and left it there all night.
----------------
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with
a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
-------------------------
At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air
Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from
Queen Elizabeth II.
They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they
boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.
As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving
to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well.
This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.
Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most
horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence and the coach
immediately filled with noxious fumes.
Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to
ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous
manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.
She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my
regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen
cannot control."
George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give
the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would
have assumed it was one of the horses."
Malvary in Ottawa
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