Whatever happened to the "dumb Polack" jokes? All I get now is "Ole and
Lena"... All the same, the first one is just a modernised (cellphone,
instead of a report book) of an old Polish one (about cops) <g>
From: R.P.
Ole and Lena were out walking and Lena clutched her heart and fell
to the sidewalk. Ole got out his cell phone and called 9-1-1.
The Operator said "Where are you?"
Ole answered, "We were walking and Lena is on the sidewalk on
Eucalyptus Street."
The operator asked, "How do you spell that?"
The phone seemed to go dead.
The operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting.
He finally came back on line and said, "I dragged her over to Oak St.,
that's O-A-K."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada
to
hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the
return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.
The two lads objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let
us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on
full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a
few moments after take-off.
Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, "Any idea
where we are?"
"Yaaah, I tink we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."
------------------------------------------------------------------
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long
does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"
"Yust a minute", said the busy clerk.
"Vell", said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust
take da bus."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-
support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a
month for support."
"Vell, dat's fine, Judge," smiled Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll
try to chip in a few bucks, myself."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a
Norvegian and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," answered Ole.
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled,
"Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn
signals are working."
Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing
Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.
Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya
vant to."
So Ole drove to Duluth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the
obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his
condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, asked, "That's it? Just 'Ole
died.'? Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about
Ole.
If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We
must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You
put, Ole died. Boat for sale."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along
bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a
long,
dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly.
"No," replied Lars.
"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed, "I yust took vun bite
and vent blind!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars
inquired how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come?" asked Lars.
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics.
While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and asked, "Are you
a pole vaulter?"
Ole replied, "No, I'm Norvegian and my name ain't Valter."
--
Tamara P Duvall http://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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