Haven't seen this one before; precious... Though, come to think, I've
never seen Congress act with such speed, either. One can dream :)
This forward is dedicated to a friend who will also be losing her job
soon - mid December.
From: R.P.
Outsourcing the Presidency
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of Dec 1st, 2005.
The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary,
and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds,
with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied
outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain
competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,"
Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming
the office of President as of Nov 25, 2005. Mr. Singh was born in
the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara
Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a
salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other
benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when
few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will
allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center,"
stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should not be a problem because Mr. Bush was not familiar with the
issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree which will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he
can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
issues at all.
"We know these scripting tools do work," stated the
spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years."
Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has
abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent
and on top of the Katrina situation.
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he
will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will
exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc.
to help him write a résumé and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position
at Wal-Mart was suggested due to his extensive experience of shaking
hands and phony smile.
Another possibility is Mr. Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air
National
Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose
this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month
before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there,
I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable
knowledge of the country in a visit he once made to the Baghdad
Airport's terminal and gift shop.
--
Tamara P Duvall http://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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