Totally innocuous... Everyone loves to dump on lawyers :) I must admit
that it took me three readings to "get" the first one. Must be because
English isn't my first language...
From: R.P.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to
lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.
Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of
lawyers hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands were
met.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out
which side to spit on.
How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three... The rest are true stories.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're
looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the
ladder company.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only
save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
They're both extinct.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
Back over him to make sure. Then, put another notch on the steering
wheel.
What type of apparel is the most popular with lawyers?
Law-suits.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dirt?
The bucket.
What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wingtips.
What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
Where can you find a good lawyer?
The cemetery.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
Cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.
You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer.
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
Another lawyer.
What should you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon?
He was disbarred.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.
--
Tamara P Duvall http://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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