> > > As we approach the Festive season there are several things that > need to be remembered when dealing with the lovely people from Elf & > Safety.... > > > > > >Jingle Bells > >Dashing through the snow > >In a one horse open sleigh > >O'er the fields we go > >Laughing all the way > >A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is >considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk >assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only >one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of >larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from >landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those >not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is >moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. > > >While Shepherds Watched > >Their flocks by night > >All seated on the ground > >The angel of the Lord came down > >And glory shone around > >The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and >safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks >without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore >benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds >have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at >this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv >cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please >note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / >her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have >been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful >effects of UVA, UVB and Glory. > > >We three kings of Orient are > >Bearing gifts we traverse afar > >Field and fountain, moor and mountain > >Following yonder star > > >Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may >be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' >etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the >potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A >suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy >cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We >would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by >stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of >RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the >quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as >per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying >the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. >Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the >likelihood of dust from the camels hooves. > >Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer > >had a very shiny nose. > >And if you ever saw him, > >you would even say it glows. > >You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, >it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the >ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion >of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered >discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those >found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be >implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will >be considered whilst this investigation takes place.
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