Richard Soderstrom <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes:



----------
> netins.net>
> Subject: Practice these Principles???
> Date: Wednesday, April 08, 1998 2:14 PM
>
> Aphorisms For Our Time
>
> 1.  99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
> 2.  Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
> 3.  The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and
> stupidity.
> 4.  Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
> society.
> 5.  If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
> 6.  Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live
> with.
> 7.  Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
> 8.  Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where
> you
> left them to where you can't find them.
> 9.  Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
> 10. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. =
> COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you
> live.
> 11. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that
> nobody
> appreciates how difficult it was.
> 12. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
> warning to others.
> 13. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
> 14. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
> average man can see better than he can think.
> 15. Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to
>
> criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
> 16. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you
> feel happy to be on your way.
> 17. Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
> 18. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
> 19  A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
> 20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
> 21. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
> 22. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
> 23. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
> research.
> 24. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above  your
> principles.
> 25. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
> 26. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
> 27. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
> 28. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
> 29. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
> tried
> before.
> 30. Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
> 31. Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
> 32. Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
> 33. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
> 34. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
> 35. Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

The dirty old Gandy Dancer



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