Kathy E <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes:
THOU SHALT NOT STEAL: A survey in Chicago has revealed the most-stolen
books from area libraries: the Bible and the Koran. Next are study
guides to police and military entrance examinations. (UPI) ...Certainly
no one can expect people to have morals BEFORE they study.
THOU SHALT NOT STEAL II: Retired Cottonwood, Ala., Police Chief Eugene
Coker was on a fishing trip in nearby Malone, Fla., when he saw three
armed men put on masks and walk into a bank. He borrowed a rifle and
waited for them to come out. "I had it on his head. I had him dead to
rights," Coker, 69, said. "He hadn't shot nobody, so I lowered it and
shot him in the butt." The suspect limped to the getaway car, so Coker
shot a hole in its gas tank. "They never got four blocks." When the car
rolled to a stop the three men, identified as local college students,
were arrested and charged with bank robbery. (AP) ...Florida fishing
licenses sure are comprehensive.
HUH? An Australian performance artist has announced plans for his latest
artistic feat: he will grow an extra ear." Stelarc" says that a plastic
surgeon will insert "a little rubber balloon" under his skin. "It will
be inflated over the period of a month or so to leave a packet of
excess skin," the 53-year-old man explained. "Then I will put in an ear
scaffold beneath the skin. What you will have is a third ear." (AFP)
...He'll need more than that if he expects to hear any applause.
THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD: God will return to Earth March 31 --
according to followers of God's Salvation Church. But He won't appear
just anywhere, they say. Specifically, He'll show up at 3513 Ridgedale
Drive in Garland, Texas. "This will happen," says Heng-ming Chen, who
moved from Taiwan with 140 followers for the event. "I would stake my
life on it." Chen and company have purchased about 30 houses in the
area to ensure front-row seats. Neighbors are afraid of what could
happen "if God pulls a no-show," thinking back to the Heaven's Gate
cult suicide a year before. Police are taking a wait-and-see approach,
but are asking TV networks how many satellite trucks to expect on The
Day. "Whether God shows up or not, we know there are still going to be
a lot of press out here and we're getting ready," a police spokesman
said. (AP) ...Don't let Dan Rather in. He'll claim his own presence
fulfills the prophecy.
I'M SORRY, DAVE: A computer designer at the Massachusetts Institute of
Technology says she has made advances toward computers with "heart".
Rosalind Picard says her new computers will be "beyond human" in
friendliness and empathy. Picard says current computers "are like
autistics. They have a lot of verbal and mathematical skills, but they
really don't have any emotional skills." (UPI) ...We don't want
computers with hearts. We want computers with brains.
CALL IN THE STUNT DOUBLE: At 83, you might think Nilo Silvi of Rome
would be enjoying a retired life of leisure. But the Italian pensioner
is ready to start a new career after a talent scout spotted him in a
disco with his grandson. The scout asked him if he would mind "making a
film with beautiful young girls." The scout is a producer of
pornographic movies, but that doesn't give Silvi any problems. "We
talked about the possibility of filming some group scenes. I said I was
willing," he assured the filmmakers. "I'm not ashamed at all." However,
Silvi does have two concerns: "I won't use a condom," and, after
considering how many sex scenes he might have to perform in, he worried,
"Will I have to pay?" (Reuters) ...No: no one said life was fair.
FIRE UP THE STUDENTS: The Los Angeles Unified School District board has
voted to arm their school police force with shotguns. The officers, who
already carry sidearms, say they needed the extra firepower because
they spend so much time in gang areas. The district will buy 75
shotguns and provide extra firearms training for the officers. "This
was long overdue," said a relieved school police spokesman. (AP)
...Forget shotguns. The cops won't be safe until their firepower at
least matches what the kids carry.
GENESIS 3:16: Canadian Lesli Szabo, 44, is suing her doctors and
McMaster Hospital for $2.4 million because she had pain while giving
birth. The Hamilton, Ont., woman claims her doctors told her the birth
would be "so pain-free, she could knit or read a book during the
procedure." But she said her pain so traumatized her that she had
"intrusive thoughts," such as an unfounded belief that the hospital had
called her dentist to tell him to make sure "I have as much pain as
possible during dental treatment," she testified. Szabo, whose husband
is a physician at McMaster, said she filed the suit "to make sure this
doesn't happen to anyone else." (Toronto Star) ...Maybe it was something
she ate.
NOT COUNTING POPCORN: "Average Movie Cost Reaches $53.4M" -- AP
--
Kathy E
"I can only please one person a day, today is NOT your day, and tomorrow
isn't looking too good for you either"
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