I seem to recall VOICE / VOICEY or something like that, then changed their name to something else, Chantelle or something ?
memory is not as good as it used to be KR Vijay. On Thu, 11 Jan 2024 at 11:14, John Boocock <[email protected]> wrote: > Any contributions for updates? I have already corrected a couple of typos. > > I already have ASCII Maps, JoTL, Beermeister, MNES, LUST and Totty Twins > on the blocks. > > Betty > > > THE LEEDS LIST GLOSSARY AS AT August 28th, 1996 > > A collection of nicknames, acronyms and descriptions all purporting to > relate to the unofficial Leeds United AFC internet mailing list, > composed or edited by Betty Boocock, with several contributions coming > from the individuals concerned. So, if you're confused and bewildered by > the in-jokes and strange references on the list, read on and let > enlightenment flow... > > ADOLPHI - Home of the pre match list meet, really called the Adelphi, > but renamed when it was suggested that the NF might have once met there. > > ARMCHAIR - Usual seat taken by most opinionated members of the list, > preferably in foreign climes where the best view is always available. NB > the enormous, motorised armchair is Betty's large car built by French > communists. > > BETTY - according to Andy 'Blood on Yer Boots' King, "I seem to remember > earlier this year you sorted out a few of the listers (Maggie, > Squiggle?) problems, and for a while the list was more like a ‘Dear > Aunty Betty the Agony Aunt’ list than a Leeds list". According to Guy: > "Because of your Betty Boothroyd tendencies during a number of > disputes." If the truth be known, it is because my Aunty Betty Boocock > is the only member of the family still left in Swinnow. > > BLIND JOHN - Mr John Lukic (a former custodian of the onion bag). > > BMW - The Best Mate's Wife. Euphemism for mistress, only used by cads > and bounders. > > BOTL - Birds on The List. The women who contribute to life on the list, > and that's real women, not transvestites like Betty and Maggie. > > BTW - Standard computer nerd acronym for "by the way”. Apparently, this > saves ink. > > CASHBURN, NEWMONEY - (Come on, you can work those out, can't you?) > > CHURCH OF THE REAL MAN/YORKSHIRE MAN - situated in the heart of the West > Leeds triangle of Burley, Headingley and Kirkstall, the Church and its > leader, Da Reverend John Lee, instructs devotees in the art of > Grolsch-swilling, currying, nesting, and opinionated conversation, > especially in the company of students who are not tolerated within the > Church. Chief doctrines include NO Rabid Canines, no buying Sharp > products, the sworn aim of the destruction of all things Lancastrian and > the moving of Parliament to Swaledale. It's anti Southern-Jessy & > Wearside-maggot philosophies easily identify the brethren. Dress sense > is casual with attitude, musical preferences eclectic but no hippie > shit, and a love of Geoffrey Boycott is essential. A definite NO SCABS > rule applies to membership, regardless of all other criteria, although > if you've ever shagged Sophie Rayworth you're probably in! Birds are > tolerated, but only if they're fit, can cook curry or are related to DRB > by marriage. In short, the brethren of justice and righteousness found > in the Church of the Real Man/Yorkshire Man are Gods children on Earth, > reside in the Land of the Gods and will surely one day inherit the Earth > (and will then proceed to wipe Lancashire off it!). > > CHINAMAN - Young Lee Sharpe > > DENIS - I ended up with Denis cos after the headshave at Euronet 96, I > ended up looking like Denis Irwin. Fortunately, my hair's grown back a > bit now. Still, it's better than being accused of looking like > 'Sutcliffe' a few years ago (not funny I know, but that's southern > 'humour' for you). > > dOLEITE - (see SQUIGGLE). > > DRB - Custodian of the reserve report and choirmaster of the Choir of > Unholy Angels, who normally give concerts on the Football Special of a > match day. > > DUNDERHEAD - My list name is not a nickname but in fact my surname. This > is itself an Anglicisation of our previous, family name of Dumbkopf. My > great-grandfather, like many first-generation German immigrants during > the Great War, thought it prudent to change the family name of > Pimmelkopf to Windsor, but those damned Saxe-Cobourgs had beaten him to > it. He chose instead the more familiar surname of Dumbkopf, being true > to his Hanoverian roots while adopting a name commonly understood in > Great Britain. > > FAKE TAN - If it is of any interest, the reason for my moniker Fake-Tan > is that after my first Adelphi trip before The Witness' hat-trick > against Ipswich, Da Rev sent this message to the List: "Apologies to > those of you in't Adelphi last night, I was completely knackered and > needed a few stiff drinks to get me moving again so wasn't my usual > whingeing lively self. Good to put a few more faces to names, Dave (RB) > and Charlie (Is it really that sunny up in Durham or was that fake-tan, > I think we should be old!!)." To which my reply was: "Well the secret is > out, thanks to a great night with the Listers in the Adelphi; cheers for > making me so welcome. Seeing The Witness get a first-half hat-trick > right in front of us in the Kop was something special. Now the Fake-Tan: > Take Your Pick, all or none of the following could be responsible: > > 1. It is fake-tan and I have bought Clayton Blackmore's used Sun-Bed; 2. > It is sunny in Durham, and I do a bit of running; 3. It is hereditary, > my father looks like a ruddy-faced farmer (he's a Blade); 4. I drink far > too much malt." > > GBSS - Green and Blue Striped Shirt (as worn at away matches and in Mr > Goodair's bedroom) see also YBSS. > > HAM SANDWICH - OK, this was the label given to me by the rabid Reverend > Mr John Lee after the TSB-Lard match. At 2pm he wanted to go for a curry > -- I couldn't stomach it at that time and besides, no-where would've > been open, so instead we all headed down to Granary Wharf? where I > tucked into a tasty ham sandwich, baked spud and a gingerbread man. The > Rev then branded me with that name and the rest is history. Trouble is > that following subsequent Lard matches, the Rev has not disproved the > rumour that he's a korma eating Nancy. > > IMO/IMHO - More standard computer nerd jargon for "in my opinion/in my > humble opinion. Supposedly saves nanoseconds at the list server. > > JABBA - see THE PLASTIC PENGUIN > > JACK THE TWAT DOORMAN - head of security at h'Elland Road, has a > peculiarly 'posh' Yorkshire accent when interviewed on telly, entailing > h'appearance of h's h'all h'over the place. Wears naff grey uniform and > chauffeurs peaked hat. Complete jobsworth a la Blakey in ‘On the Buses’. > Favourite sayings "YOU CAN'T PARK THERE"& "YOU CAN'T GO DOWN THERE -- > EVEN PLAYERS CAN'T GO DOWN THERE!". In short, a complete f***ing > embarrassment! His appearance on Match of the Day last season set a new > low in the public relations history of Leeds United. > > JUDAS - Title applied to former heroes who willingly transfer to a new > club, particularly after proclaiming undying love for the Gods and their > fans. Current holder is a Mr. G. McAllister currently plying his trade > for some obscure team in the West Midlands. (See also TPFKAM) > > KLKOT - Kev Lewis King of Tonga. I think it started in the Rugby Club I > play for when we were touring. Someone reckoned that I was spread out in > this easy chair, looking like the King of Tonga. I perpetuated it to > some extent, by blacking-up for a game once, and finding various > artefacts of South Sea Island origin. I have been sent various photos > and newspaper articles on the gentleman or impostor whichever way you > look at it. I believe MLPOT, my son, first brought this to the attention > of the list, at a pre-match list meet in the Adolphi, it was well > received, and the moniker took. > > LAND OF THE GODS - LOTG our hallowed county, the broad acres that are > Yorkshire. > > LARDS - The most excellent Leeds list footie team composed of, eerm, > anyone who can turn out. > > LARDETTES - anyone turning out to support the LARDS. > > LARNDAN - The capital city of the south of England > > leedslist[at]gn.apc.org - the new home of the list, but then you > wouldn't be reading this if you didn't already know that before Gav > (see THE LISTOWNER below) did a Macca for more brass in some technical > college somewhere. (FYI ox.vax.ac.uk - the original home of the list) > > LOTSA - Land Of The Sad Alcoholic. Scotland where about two of us live. > > M-PEOPLE - ask Ade Thompson (Ham Sandwich) and heavy metal guru Maggie > Barber. > > MAD DOG - Our dearly beloved manager. see also TMFKAW. > > MAGGIE BARBER - Erstwhile Lards manager, named after the WFKATPM, Maggie > Thatcher. He is noted as having once said "That's Margaret to you." when > addressing the Rev in the Adolphi. > > MNES - Magnificent New East Stand. Complete with medicated toilet paper. > > MOALM - Mother of All List Meets (The List meet the night before the > Fizzy Pop Cup Final, plus the pre- and post-match meets on the day). > Also leads to various offshoots. I'm sure you can all work Fizzy Pop Cup > out:-) > > MUCKSHIFTER - As a young roofer in Wakey, I was bollocked by the clerk > of works on a building site in Crigglestone for throwing a load of old > slates in to a freshly dug trench. The two blokes (1 Irish, 1 Polish) > who had dug the trench, told the foreman where to stick his shovel when > asked to clear up my mess. I was then ordered by a very irate foreman to > "get cracking” and had to climb in the trench to remove all the > knackered slates. The Polish bloke, while laughing at my feeble attempts > to clear 6ft with a spadeful of rubbish, called me a "useless > muckshifter", which is what builders call a JCB (or they used to). The > name stuck for a while. Anyway, nowadays I work for a publisher, and > while looking through a list of journals I was amazed to spot one called > "Muckshifter", which is about mechanical diggers, not about skinny > 16-year-old Wakey lads. The memories came flooding back, I can still > smell the asbestos now! I don't really know why I decided to use it as a > pseudonym.......perhaps there is something wrong with me? Mam, mam, can > I come out of this cupboard now .........! > > OCCUPIED YORKSHIRE - Anywhere outside of Yorkshire. > > OCTOPUSSY - Mr Carlton Palmer (see most video footage of his performances). > > POPE PAUL - Paul MacGowan, apologist for the MAD DOG and leader of the > acolytes, Mrs Firm and Silent Bob, lost somewhere west of the Dingle > Peninsula. > > RUSTBELT CITY - Sheffield (allegedly playing football in LOTG). > > SCUM - Manchester United (and thus Scummers, Scumchester etc..). > > SOTG - Stadium of The Gods. Our superb ground, Elland Road. > > SQUIGGLE - Just as Doctor Who had to have a new face every few years, I > must have a new name every few months. Firstly, there was "The Voice of > Football". This was apt at the time, because by thunder did I know my > stuff. Then, when football died as we knew and loved it (circa the > building of the Old Trafford megastore) I metamorphosised into<~O > (formerly the gobshite known as Voice). This was partly in protest at > the bastardisation of our beautiful game, and partly so the Internet > Hotspurs didn't kick the shit out of me. Then it was Squiggle -- this > was because my keyboard lost its "~" sign. (I think it was set up > incorrectly). Along the way there's been Chantelle and others. Now, I'm > plain old dOLEITE. Not very imaginative, not very amusing. Just apt. > (sniff! sniff!). <~O (who's just found ASCII code 126) > > STEVIE GRANDDAD - I'm afraid it's not very interesting but the Granddad > comes from my band Granddads Don't Indicate. We all get called the > Granddads cos the whole thing is such a gob full, hence Stevie Granddad, > (my mother-in-law insists on calling me it??). Nowt to do with Leeds, > nowt to do with sprogs, sorry. > > TAPP - see THE PLASTIC PENGUIN. > > THE ARSE - Arsenal FC (world's most boring football team). > > THE BOY WETH - Rather dull origin of "The Boy Weth". Half derived from an > > office I worked in adapting "The Boy Lineker" all those years ago for > all of us. Thus, The Boy Lawrenson, The Boy Gaymer etc. Told you it was > dull. When I enrolled on E World, I had no idea that a name was > required, panicked and put that in. Mind you, it has inspired me to end > messages again with The Boy Weth. > > THE DON - Mr Donald Revie (a management God - well to 99.99% of us). > > THE GODS - Our glorious team. > > THE LISTOWNER - Gav Burnage who "looks after" his foundling, The List. > He gets called other things too: Eric, Erique, Canto, Ooh Aah French > Wanker (a few hundred arsenal fans did the latter one), Fuck Off Cantona > (a few hundred Leeds fans did that one). > > THE MESSIAH - Mr Anthony Yeboah (an imported German nickname). > > THE PLONKER - Rodney Wallace who seems to obey the Law of Gravity at > every opportunity and make intimate contact with the ground anytime he > has the ball and often without it. > > THE QUIET MAN - Roger Michelle Goodair, part time Bradford Bulls > supporter and hammer of the ladies in sensible shoes. > > THE RHINESTONE COWBOY - The Rhinestone Cowboy, if he exists, can be > found in crappy boozers like The Nags Head, Market Tavern and the Regent > selling dodgy copies of Pocohontas or fake Tag Heuers -- when he's not > on holiday in places like Italy allegedly checking out some player who > has absolutely no intention of coming to Leeds! Has sponsorship from > Gerry and Sylvia Anderson for his Joe 90 style glasses, which must emit > some form of stupidity ray on past performance. > > THE WITNESS - see MESSIAH above. > > THE YOUNG GODS - Yorkshire County Cricket Club. > > THEATRE OF WET DREAMS - An ironic reference to Old Trafford. > > "THERE'LL BE WEEPING IN THE STREETS OF BOURNEMOUTH TONIGHT" - A > non-ironic reference to a SCUM defeat. > > TMFKAW - The Manager Formerly Known as Wilko. Our illustrious Manager, > Mr Howard Wilkinson (see also MAD DOG). > > TPFKAM - The Player (or is it penalty taker?) Formerly Known as Macca. A > onetime captain of our glorious team, now starring in a new show at > Highfield Road -- along with several other people who are just pawns in > the game of life that is Premiership Footie. (see also JUDAS). > > THE PLASTIC PENGUIN - This came from two separate occasions: in Dublin > for the pre-season game in 1995, I turned up at the pub in white shirt & > dark trousers (heading to a club afterwards) -- Gav said I looked like > something out of Riverdance, so I gave a quick hop& jig - only to be > told that that was more like a penguin. Hence Penguin. Then at the Spurs > away game a month or so later, I thought I'd lost my match ticket. I > found it buried in the depths of my wallet -- I found it after I'd > removed my copious collection of credit cards (and to my shame, a > Sainsbury's Spend'n'Save card :-). Hence Plastic Penguin. Shortly > afterwards, it turned out that there was a big drugs boss in Dublin who > had arranged several nasty accidents -- he was called The Penguin, so I > became the Plastic Puffin for my own safety. Joined in the mad list rush > to abbreviation as TAPP (The Abbreviated Plastic Puffin) before > reverting to my long-standing nickname of Jabba when I finally grew out > of it all. > > TSB - The Square Ball. Rip off Gods fanzine. > > WIACW - Wilko Is A Complete Wanker. A commentary on our manager's > ability (or lack of it) as Mr Goodair signed off for quite a while. Mr > Goodair has Football Managerial pretensions himself (see also LARDS) > > VATMAN - Mr Robin Launders, our recently appointed, ex scum employee, > Chief Executive and man in charge of the Bendix. (Vatman and Robin > geddit?). > > VINNY - (as in 'the Jones Boy') When I started my present job, Vinny > Jones was still terrorising Div 2 opposition with a dodgy wedge(ish) > haircut! I decided to have a similar style and when the blokes here > found out I supported Leeds someone mentioned Vinny Jones. A couple of > weeks later they asked me to play in an inter-company tournament and I > was put at Left back. I think we were one-nil up at half time but only > just holding on, as they had a big bloke (compared to me) of about 16 > stone in the centre of midfield who was running the show. Our manager > (my boss) decided to move me into the centre at half-time and just after > the restart there was a 50-50 ball between us. We both steamed in, and I > don't know where the ball went but I got up and he didn't. He limped off > a few moments later as my colleagues on the sidelines started chanting > VINNY VINNY! We went on to win 3-0 and a new nickname was born. > > WATC-COE - We Are the Champions - Champions of Europe. To be sung loudly > and shirtless throughout half time at away games, to remind us of our > true standing (no matter how crap we happen to be playing). > > YBSS - Yellow and blue striped shirt (see also GBSS). > > Compiled by Betty > > August 28th, 1996 > > _______________________________________________ > Leedslist mailing list > Info and options: https://mailman.gn.apc.org/mailman/listinfo/leedslist > To unsubscribe, email [email protected] > > Find us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/leedslist/ > > Dave Dowden, a legend, a Totty Twin, a pie man! R.I.P. _______________________________________________ Leedslist mailing list Info and options: https://mailman.gn.apc.org/mailman/listinfo/leedslist To unsubscribe, email [email protected] Find us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/leedslist/ Dave Dowden, a legend, a Totty Twin, a pie man! R.I.P.
