Tomino Rant - Updated Version [ open on an exterior shot of the "Holiday Inn" with a sign reading "Welcome GMLers." ]
[ dissolve inside ] [ A sign on the wall reads "16th Annual GML Convention -- 2007" ] Ears: Charlie! Check this out! Charlie: [ wearing "I am Char" t-shirt ] Oh, outstanding, man! Ears: Original animated cast autopsy photos, right before they added the happy ending to Zeta Gundam! Charlie: Oh, how much was it? Ears: Sixty dollars! Charlie: Ohhh.... They got any left? Loudspeaker: Attention GMLers, now available in the Hamilton Room... copies of Quattro Bagina's single record, "I am not Char." Right now, in the Hamilton Room. Artie: [ making the Zeon "Sieg Zeon sign" ] Hey guys! Charlie & Ears: Hey Artie! Artie: How you guys doing on the trivia quiz? Charlie: Aw, since you... hey, you got Chars's middle name? Artie: [ smugly ] Rem! Charlie: Fa Yuiry's cabin number? Artie: Y3-90! [ Charlie and Ears snicker knowingly to each other. ] Artie: What? Am I wrong? Am I wrong? [ more snickers ] Emcee: Attention! Attention! Hello everybody! Welcome to Day 4 of the 16th Annual GML Convention... Well! ...here in Rye, New York. A few announcements.... Ah... first... ah... a wonderful new... ah... item has just been added to the convention. It's a program from the 1990 convention! GMLers: Oooo! Ahhh! Emcee: Yeah! It's a very special item, I'm sure you'll enjoy it, and it's ONLY... thirty dollars. Secondly, we have some exciting guests at the convention today, so let me introduce them to you right now. First, we have the lovely voice actress Kyoko Chigusa. Now you all remember her as anonymous Yeoman #4 from the first ten minutes of Episode 12 in which she was blown up inside Jaburo... and crushed! And next up is Hanae Yatate, the "ex-wife" of course of Hajime Yatate, and ah... I understand "married" life with the whole Studio's creative staff *was* somewhat turbulent... kinda like living with the bi-polar people on the Arghama! GMLers: [ geekie laughter ] Emcee: Yeah! Well you'll all be able to meet Hanae in the Briar Wing where she'll be signing copies of her new book, "Why Do All The Cute Guys Wear Masks?"! And finally, the man you've all been waiting for, this is his first GML convention in quite a long time, I know he's thrilled to be here, the Creator himself, Yoshiyuki Tomino! [ Tomino walks to the podium. ] Now Tomino-san's here to field a few questions so just fire away! GMLers: Mr. Tomino! Mr. Tomino! Yoshiyuki Tomino: Alright, the first question, uh, go ahead! Charlie: Yeah! Okay, um, when M'Quve was holding the vase, okay, for the last time in Episode 25? I was wondering, like um, w-w-what dynasty was that vase from.... Yoshiyuki Tomino: Uh... Episode 25? Charlie: Yeah! Yoshiyuki Tomino: Um... you gotta give me a PLOT, see, cause it's 28 years and it's a long time... a PLOT... uh.... Charlie: Yeah, Episode 25, that's the Battle of, like umm, Oddessa? And M'Quve was handling the vase like Michael Jackson at a KinderCare? Yoshiyuki Tomino: [ smiling ] Oh oh, yeah right, I remember, okay uh... what's the question? Charlie: Well um, I was wondering if you could settle a bet for me and my friends, okay? Um, like, when you... um, left your quarters for the last time? And you opened up your safe? Um... what was the combination? Yoshiyuki Tomino: [ lengthy pause, incredulous expression ] I-I-I don't know! I mean, it's been a long time! I, uh... I don't know that! Uh, okay? Charlie: [ disappointed ] Okay! Okay! Yoshiyuki Tomino: Anybody? Oh, all right, go ahead! You? Go ahead! You in the funny shirt! Artie: [ wearing Char uniform ] Okay! Another bet... okay... on your horse farm... alright? How many saddle-bred horses do you have? Yoshiyuki Tomino: Uh... 34. Artie: Wait, wait... is that including the colt that was born earlier this week? Yoshiyuki Tomino: [ stunned pause ] That mare had a foal? Artie: Tuesday! Yoshiyuki Tomino: Well I... guess it's 35 then! Artie: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! [ congratulated by his friends ] Yoshiyuki Tomino: You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME! [ a crowd of shocked and dismayed GMLers.... ] I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves? [ to "Ears" ] You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl? [ "Ears" hangs his head ] I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't watch television! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a TV show dammit, IT'S JUST A TV SHOW! Charlie: Are- are you saying then that we should pay more attention to the movies? Yoshiyuki Tomino: NO!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL!!! HEY, YOU GUYS ARE... THE LAMEST BUNCH... I'VE NEVER SEEN... [ walks away from podium ] I can't believe these people... I mean, I really can't understand what's.... [ Emcee argues with Tomino off-mike, shoves him, Tomino shoves back harder.... ] Second Emcee: Uh... that was Yoshiyuki Tomino, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, I'd like to remind you GMLers that we have some fine refreshments from all over the galaxy... Coke, Diet Coke, Bubble Up, Orange, I believe. We.... [ Meanwhile, Emcee waves the contract in front of Tomino, who then reluctantly returns to the podium.... ] Yoshiyuki Tomino: Of course, that speech was a "re-creation" of the "Evil Tomino", Uh I mean "Evil Katejina" from um... Victory Gundam, um... [ Emcee whispers ] Episode FIFTY.. uhh... called... [ another whisper ] "The Battle Called Upon by Hate." ... [ GMLers get happy, applaud ] Yoshiyuki Tomino: Yuh, Yuh, so thank you... and, and... Sieg Zeon... [ GMLers make Zeon Salute... ] Yoshiyuki Tomino: So everybody... set your beam rifles on full, cause... THIS CONVENTION'S DROPPING LIKE A COLONY, Y'KNOW? RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! [ fade out ] -------------------------------------------------- The Gundam Mailing List MK-II [email protected] Archives: http://www.gundam.com/gml Help: Email [EMAIL PROTECTED] with this in the BODY: help list
