As usual, a solution for one is unacceptable for
others.

My closest contact with suicide was painful and, so
far, unending.  My oldest son chose this at age 20 as
a permanent solution for temporary problems--and left
shock and devastation behind him.  Grief includes
anger. Grief takes its own time.  The one making the
choice--who knows?  But those of us puzzling it out
are changed by it forever.  Only now, nearly 4 years
later, do I feel like laughing out loud when I can. 
Or being in situations with many people.  Or moving
on.

As much as I hurt to know that my son felt so much
despair, I know the feeling.  When I've considered
suicide for myself, I refuse to put my loved ones
through what I've been through--or maybe it's an
excuse because I don't have the courage.  When the
grief is overwhelming it's impossible to understand
any reason to give up on life, but if logic can be
applied sometimes it can be?  I think so, but...

Can we judge a choice made by others even when it's
not fatal?  I don't think so--at least not from their
point of view. Still, it's so hard to accept and go
on.  I don't believe that all the good done is wiped
out by a single act, but it may be too soon to see
through the grief.

I'm thankful for Mail Art over the years that has
distracted me from my sporatic downward spirals--art
in my mailbox meant just for me?  Hard to believe it
gets much better than that.

ex posto facto

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