This problem has been documented by Joe Kissell in some detail in his book Take Control of Apple Mail on the iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch. Basically, it stems from the fact that gmail and Apple Mail have different ideas about deleting and archiving. How gmail operates also depends on whether you've set it up as a gmail account, exchange account or other IMAP account. I find the best results are when you've set it up as an other IMAP account. It also depends on whether you've checked archive messages instead of deleting in the Settings on your iOS device. One problem can be that you've chosen to archive messages instead of deleting them but when you try and delete from the actions roter menu it still tries to delete instead of archiving, which causes some confusion. I used to have that problem you're describing all the time, but I no longer do after following Joe Kissell's instructions in Take Control of Apple Mail.
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