Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then
suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
- Matt Groening, Life in Hell
Things not to say on Valentine's day ...
* I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this
2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
* No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol
and penicillin.
* I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.
* People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.
* I used to come here all the time with my ex.
* I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to
consider it.
* Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on
the answering machine every hour.
* I like clay. It's mushy.
* I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I
wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
* And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
* I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher
will cut that part off for you if you ask.
* It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just
won't be as smart as I am.
* Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?
and, Bonus, Points to Ponder . . .
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a
hostage situation.
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean
them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
--
John H. Hoffmann
Personal
E-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
" How do you know when love is gone ?
If you said that you would be there at seven
and you get there by nine, and he or she
has not called the police yet - it's gone."
-- Marlene Dietrich
Happy Valentine's Day!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
To unsubscribe from this list, send e-mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED] and put
"unsubscribe MAPINFO-L" in the message body, or contact [EMAIL PROTECTED]
