THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to
the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man
lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there
is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even
while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you
can travel to any other part of the building you want without
difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it
will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will
do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or
killer beasts, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade
or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
through it before long.
The Chief of Police is always black.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from
elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night, you should open the fridge door and use that light
instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should
investigate any strange noises in their most revealing
underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but
will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
every morning even though their husband and children never have
time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room
the size of RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at
an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will
have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and
pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or good bye when
beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it
is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to
right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large
red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street,
everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to
override the communication systems of any invading alien
civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in
a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait
patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a
threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
--
John H. Hoffmann
Personal
E-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
"It took some users a while to come to grips
with the intuitive way Windows works."
-- Graeme Wong See
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