>From a woman¡¯s perspective An award-winning Indonesian director gamely tackles the thorny issue of polygamy in her latest movie, writes DAPHNE LEE..
FOR most women being part of a polygamous household is something they would contemplate with dread and sadness. The very idea of one¡¯s husband announcing that he is in love with another is heartbreaking. Imagine being told of his intention to take a second wife, or a mistress. Yet, polygamy is allowed by certain religions, and practised openly by some cultures and communities. A Muslim man, for example, is allowed up to four legal wives, on the condition that he can treat them and provide for them equally. He must also obtain the consent of his existing wife/wives. While, in theory, this safeguards the rights of Muslim women, the actual practice of polygamy continues to cause much emotional upheaval in Muslim households. And thus the issue continues to be of deep concern to society. Putting the issue under the spotlight lately is Berbagi Suami, an Indonesian film that looks at three polygamous households and the women who are caught in the predicament of having to literally ¡°divide¡± their men (as the Indonesian title suggests). The movie¡¯s English title, Love for Share, spells things out more clearly: for some women the love of their husband is not exclusive but has to be shared with other women, be it other wives, prostitutes, girlfriends or mistresses. Says the writer and director of the film, Nia Dinata: ¡°Polygamy is a subject that intrigues me. The act has a huge impact on the lives of women. Women who choose to be part of it have to be prepared to face conflicts and other problems.¡± She estimates that about 10% of families in Indonesia ¨C the world¡¯s most populous Muslim nation ¨C are affected by polygamy. ¡°The true number of people practising polygamy is impossible to pinpoint because many men do not legally marry their subsequent wives. This leads to a lot of abuse of the women and also the children who are born of these unions because without official papers supporting a marriage, they have no rights.¡± Lee Mee Fung of Red Films, which is distributing the movie in Malaysia, says: ¡°When I first saw Berbagi Suami I thought, ¡®We have to do this! We have to bring this film to Malaysia!¡¯ I think it will resonate with many people, women especially, because most of us have been touched directly or indirectly by the subject matter: Polygamy is non-selective of age, race and social class.¡± Nia presents this fact quite effectively in Berbagi Suami by interweaving the separate stories of three very different women. In the first, Salma, played by critically-acclaimed actress Jajang C. Noer, is a highly-educated Indonesian woman who personally questions the practice of polygamy, but is outwardly supportive of her polygamist politician husband. The second story sees pop star Shanty make her major film debut as Siti, an innocent Javanese village girl who comes to Jakarta with hopes for a better life, but is tricked into becoming the third wife of her own uncle. Siti finds comfort when she falls in love with her fellow wife and, when her husband shows up with a fourth spouse on his arm, she is driven to make an important decision about her life. Finally, top Indonesian model Dominique is Ming, a stunningly beautiful waitress in a busy roast duck stall. Her boss, a married man who is also the stall¡¯s cook and owner, lusts after her and is driven wild with jealousy when his sexy employee flirts with his patrons. Ming eventually agrees to be his mistress, but soon has to examine the consequences of her decision. The third story touches on polygamy in its most basic form, not sanctioned by religion or law, nor intellectualised by sociologists and anthropologists, but simply a statement of a man¡¯s desire to have his cake and eat it. ¡°Well, obviously, it is not only Muslim women who have to share their men,¡± says Nia. ¡°No one believes that. Polygamy has its roots in many cultures. Concubines are a feature in the royal and noble households in practically all the great Eastern empires, but it happened and is still happening in all strata of society, whether openly or not.¡± What does she think of the opinion that polygamy has an evolutionary basis? ¡°I think that is bulls***,¡± she says flatly. ¡°To me it¡¯s very simple: When men and women make a commitment, they should stick to it. Women seldom expect that there will be another woman or that they will be the other women. Women should say no. It¡¯s not easy, especially for the first wife who has had a long history with her husband and usually has children. ¡°It is easier for the second or third wives who have only themselves to think of and could, if they wanted to, make a life for themselves with a man who is unattached.¡± Nia says that she noticed a common thread amongst the polygamy cases that she researched for the film: ¡°At the first signs of hardship, whether it is health problems or financial troubles, most of the husbands will return to their first wives and suddenly abandon their younger wife or wives, or mistresses. Maybe it is because they have grown up with the first wives, and shared a lot more with them, that the men have a stronger bond with them that automatically turns them that way when times are bad.¡± She says that the men she spoke to mostly cited rewards in heaven as a reason for practising polygamy. ¡°They also said that they wished to help the women they took as second, third or fourth wives. Of course, this is what I was told by the men ¨C no one, I think, would openly admit to doing it out of lust or to boost their ego, but it is common that the second wife is usually younger and prettier.¡± Nia says that although it was her intention to make a statement with her film, she had to constantly remind herself that she was making a film and not a documentary. ¡°I had to think of dramatic value. A film has to have interesting, multi-dimensional characters and humour.¡± She says that ultimately, her purpose was to make people think about polygamy and draw their own conclusions about it. ¡°I did not want the film to be judgemental.¡± Lee says that the film will make women who are in similar predicaments feel empowered, not vindictive, and Nia agrees that this is the outcome she was aiming for: ¡°I wanted to produce that ¡°Yes!¡± feeling in everyone, a feeling of realisation that ¡®I have a choice. I can make my own decision.¡¯¡± ¡°You definitely do not feel depressed by the movie,¡± says Lee. ¡°Nia has created characters who are strong and interesting and she¡¯s given them wit and humour. The situations are sad and difficult, but she has managed to present them in such a way that allows you to see how absurd everything is. And in the end, the women take control of their lives, which is such a positive thing.¡± Berbagi Suami will open in selected cinemas nationwide on Jan 11. On Jan 4, a charity premiere was held at Cineleisure Damansara in Petaling Jaya, Selangor, to raise funds for a research project by Sisters in Islam (SIS), in collaboration with academics from Universiti Malaya, Universiti Sains Malaysia and Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia, that aims to look at the impact of polygamy on relationships within the family, its effects on the emotional well-being of family members, their social relationships, and financial situation. It will also focus on the kinds of support, if any, legal institutions offer people who are affected by polygamy. In a recent report in The Star, SIS executive director Zainah Anwar said: ¡°We¡¯re going into this without any preconceived notions or prejudices ¨C what we want is to get evidence-based data and results.¡± Zainah is of the opinion that Berbagi Suami is a good vehicle with which to raise awareness of the practice of polygamy as she believes such a sensitive subject has to be broached in a subtle manner. Lee concludes: ¡°Hard-selling this topic will get people¡¯s back up. People need to decide for themselves and this movie allows you to do just that.¡± Berbagi Suami goodies THE Star Online, in co-operation with Red Films, is giving you the chance to bag some exclusive Berbagi Suami movie merchandise like handbags and aromatherapy candles. To win, all you have to do is answer three questions about the movie and complete a slogan. For more details, visit http://contests.thestar.com.my/berbagisuami. Interviews with the cast of Berbagi Suami in StarTwo on Tuesday ¡®Berbagi Suami¡¯ will open in selected cinemas nationwide on Thursday. Related Stories: The director of Berbagi Suami http://www.star-ecentral.com/news/story.asp?file=/2007/1/7/movies/16461870&sec=movies _________________________________________________________________ >From photos to predictions, The MSN Entertainment Guide to Golden Globes has it all. http://tv.msn.com/tv/globes2007/?icid=nctagline1 Web: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mediacare/ Klik: http://mediacare.blogspot.com atau www.mediacare.biz Untuk berlangganan MEDIACARE, kirim email kosong ke: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mediacare/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mediacare/join (Yahoo! 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