Here we go again!!! (seemed like it was needed...) “ALL PUNS INTENDED"
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra. =0 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual." 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any. 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!" 13. I went to a seafood disco last week . . . and pulled a mussel. 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 18.. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large. 21. There was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. On May 11, 4:12 am, archytas <[email protected]> wrote: > I shall be out in New York myself in the summer - bypassing NYC for > the cheaper flight to Albany via Philly - though if I can afford it > I'll come via Quebec. Saratoga Springs and some swally with my mate > Ronnie. I'd say lock up your daughters, but on past performance I'm > more likely to be locked in babysitting. > > On 10 May, 00:09, ornamentalmind <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > My pleasure slip...I have some fond memories of NYC and a few other > > parts of NY. Didn't start going there on a regular basis until about > > '72 or so. ...the corner bodega..yes, the pizza..the venders...the > > park, strawberry fields, the museum (I used to live less than a block > > from the Natural History Museum....upper west side, 'tween Columbus > > and CPW....had some friends on the upper east side too...let us know > > how the HS reunion goes! <chuckle> > > ...last time I visited I stayed in Orange, visited King's Point, the > > park and saw my visiting Tibetan Physician...a quick trip in/out. > > Well...I could reminiss a lot more...won't. > > > On May 9, 1:17 pm, Slip Disc <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > Funny! Somewhat of a Jib Jab! > > > I don't know what your LI experience is but Newsday is the LI paper. > > > I don't know if you are familiar with Suffolk Life, on the east end. > > > I did layout for them back in the day of Kroy typesetters, waxers, > > > drawing table with the old school Tsquare etc. Even after computer > > > printout we still had the waxer, then cut and paste, oh yeah and then > > > the burnish roller. Wednesday was late night for the Thursday paper, > > > boss would buy several pizzas and we'd stay till it was all done, > > > sometimes past midnight. Sometimes I really miss those days, but that > > > was over thirty years ago and just a vague memory. There were so many > > > people working there back then because so much was done manually. I > > > would layout an ad and send it over to the typesetters who would > > > return all the type that was then run through the waxer, laid on the > > > board and cut up. Each line was meticulously put into place with the > > > tsquare and pushed around with the xacto knife then rolled down to > > > lock it in. The ad then went to the page layout department who would > > > complete each page and send it off to the printer. Today it is so > > > streamlined with few employees, of course what took 2 hours to > > > accomplish then takes about 20 minutes to accomplish now. > > > It was a time to remember and the Island was really considered the > > > boondocks, especially out past William Floyd where I lived. Though I > > > miss it in my mind the reality hits me when I go up and stay, the > > > reality that much of the old Island is gone. Much of the farms were > > > sold out to developers and the congestion on the 3 main arteries is > > > staggering. I'm still hanging on in Lake Panamoka but there is hardly > > > a spot of property that doesn't have a house on it. I'm lucky to have > > > Brookhaven Preservation behind me and that is about as rural as it > > > get's out there. Grummans Aerospace Corp's 6,000 acres have been > > > parceled out but I don't really know too much about it. I'm trying to > > > gather up the energy to visit during August, I hate flying regardless > > > of the speed of it and each year it gets harder to want to go. I'll > > > have to visit my HS on 57th and 2nd. and peruse the city a bit, maybe > > > the Museum of Natural History and the Park, one of my old favorite > > > haunts. I will definitely be spending time in the Hamptons on the > > > beach. One thing I have a serious hankering for is the real pizza, > > > authentic Jewish knish and a Sabrett hot dog. Thanks again for the > > > video! > > > > On May 9, 12:05 pm, ornamentalmind <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > Some humor for your day. > > > > >http://www.newsday.com/media/flash/2009-04/46217527.swf-Hidequoted text - > > > > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text - > > - Show quoted text - --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups ""Minds Eye"" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [email protected] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/Minds-Eye?hl=en -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
