22. Two maggots were fighting in dead Ernest.
On Fri, May 22, 2009 at 4:15 PM, ornamentalmind <[email protected]>wrote: > > Here we go again!!! > (seemed like it was needed...) > > “ALL PUNS INTENDED" > > 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The > ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. > > 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve > you, but don't start anything." > > 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. > > 4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra. =0 > > 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and > says: "A beer please, and one for the road." > > 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this > taste funny to you?" > > 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." > "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." > "Is it common?" > "Well, It's Not Unusual." > > 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to > Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." > "I don't believe you," says Dolly. > "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy. > > 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing > to look at either. > > 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. > > 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I > couldn't find any. > > 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, > "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I > amputated your arms!" > > 13. I went to a seafood disco last week . . . and pulled a mussel. > > 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. > > 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and > says, "Dam!" > > 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in > the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't > have your kayak and heat it too. > > 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were > standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. > After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked > them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," > he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." > > 18.. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them > goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a > family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a > picture of himself to his birth mother.. Upon receiving the picture, > she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. > Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen > Ahmal." > > 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, > which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate > very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he > suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile > mystic hexed by halitosis. > > 20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out > that there was a small medium at large. > > 21. There was the person who sent twenty different puns to his > friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them > laugh. No pun in ten did. > > > On May 11, 4:12 am, archytas <[email protected]> wrote: > > I shall be out in New York myself in the summer - bypassing NYC for > > the cheaper flight to Albany via Philly - though if I can afford it > > I'll come via Quebec. Saratoga Springs and some swally with my mate > > Ronnie. I'd say lock up your daughters, but on past performance I'm > > more likely to be locked in babysitting. > > > > On 10 May, 00:09, ornamentalmind <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > > > > > My pleasure slip...I have some fond memories of NYC and a few other > > > parts of NY. Didn't start going there on a regular basis until about > > > '72 or so. ...the corner bodega..yes, the pizza..the venders...the > > > park, strawberry fields, the museum (I used to live less than a block > > > from the Natural History Museum....upper west side, 'tween Columbus > > > and CPW....had some friends on the upper east side too...let us know > > > how the HS reunion goes! <chuckle> > > > ...last time I visited I stayed in Orange, visited King's Point, the > > > park and saw my visiting Tibetan Physician...a quick trip in/out. > > > Well...I could reminiss a lot more...won't. > > > > > On May 9, 1:17 pm, Slip Disc <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > > Funny! Somewhat of a Jib Jab! > > > > I don't know what your LI experience is but Newsday is the LI paper. > > > > I don't know if you are familiar with Suffolk Life, on the east end. > > > > I did layout for them back in the day of Kroy typesetters, waxers, > > > > drawing table with the old school Tsquare etc. Even after computer > > > > printout we still had the waxer, then cut and paste, oh yeah and then > > > > the burnish roller. Wednesday was late night for the Thursday paper, > > > > boss would buy several pizzas and we'd stay till it was all done, > > > > sometimes past midnight. Sometimes I really miss those days, but > that > > > > was over thirty years ago and just a vague memory. There were so > many > > > > people working there back then because so much was done manually. I > > > > would layout an ad and send it over to the typesetters who would > > > > return all the type that was then run through the waxer, laid on the > > > > board and cut up. Each line was meticulously put into place with the > > > > tsquare and pushed around with the xacto knife then rolled down to > > > > lock it in. The ad then went to the page layout department who would > > > > complete each page and send it off to the printer. Today it is so > > > > streamlined with few employees, of course what took 2 hours to > > > > accomplish then takes about 20 minutes to accomplish now. > > > > It was a time to remember and the Island was really considered the > > > > boondocks, especially out past William Floyd where I lived. Though I > > > > miss it in my mind the reality hits me when I go up and stay, the > > > > reality that much of the old Island is gone. Much of the farms were > > > > sold out to developers and the congestion on the 3 main arteries is > > > > staggering. I'm still hanging on in Lake Panamoka but there is > hardly > > > > a spot of property that doesn't have a house on it. I'm lucky to > have > > > > Brookhaven Preservation behind me and that is about as rural as it > > > > get's out there. Grummans Aerospace Corp's 6,000 acres have been > > > > parceled out but I don't really know too much about it. I'm trying > to > > > > gather up the energy to visit during August, I hate flying regardless > > > > of the speed of it and each year it gets harder to want to go. I'll > > > > have to visit my HS on 57th and 2nd. and peruse the city a bit, maybe > > > > the Museum of Natural History and the Park, one of my old favorite > > > > haunts. I will definitely be spending time in the Hamptons on the > > > > beach. One thing I have a serious hankering for is the real pizza, > > > > authentic Jewish knish and a Sabrett hot dog. Thanks again for the > > > > video! > > > > > > On May 9, 12:05 pm, ornamentalmind <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > > > Some humor for your day. > > > > > > >http://www.newsday.com/media/flash/2009-04/46217527.swf-Hidequotedtext > > > > >- > > > > > > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text - > > > > - Show quoted text - > > > --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups ""Minds Eye"" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [email protected] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/Minds-Eye?hl=en -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
