The 2009 Ignobles from New Scientist (at Harvard)

After a year filled with a flock of financial achievements any one of
which might merit an Ig Nobel, the economics prize was bound to be
controversial. The Ig Nobel committee picked the management and
auditors of four Icelandic banks – Kaupthing Bank, Landsbanki, Glitnir
Bank and the Central Bank of Iceland – for experimentally
demonstrating that financial market fluctuations can rapidly transform
very small banks into very large banks, then rapidly reverse the
process, thereby demolishing the national economy.

The mathematics prize went to another financial wizard, Gideon Gono,
governor of the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe, who imbued his compatriots
with a sophisticated understanding of large numbers by printing the
national currency in denominations ranging from 1 cent to 100 trillion
dollars as the country's inflation rate soared to 231 million per
cent.

Non-financial risk inspired Elena Bodnar of the University of Chicago
medical school, who received the public health prize for a dual-use
brassiere. Having lived in Ukraine at the time of the Chernobyl
accident, she knew the importance of being prepared for unexpected
public-health emergencies. Together with two Chicago colleagues, she
designed and patented a brassiere with cups that can double as a pair
of gas masks. In the event of nuclear accident, bioterrorist attack or
smoky fire, the wearer can quickly detach the two cups, fasten one
over her own mouth and nose for protection, and hand the other to a
needy bystander. (This surely is the ME winner!)

The experimental quantification of risk earned the peace prize for
Stephan Bollinger of the forensic medicine department at the
University of Bern in Switzerland. With four colleagues, he attempted
to find out whether a full beer bottle or an empty one is more likely
to crack someone's skull. Using modelling clay, they mounted bottles
horizontally in a bathtub, with small blocks of wood on the upward-
facing side of each one.  It turns out that empties make a more
dangerous weapon. Dropping 1-kilogram steel balls onto the blocks from
various heights indicated that 30 joules of energy shattered full
bottles, but empty bottles could withstand 40 joules (Journal of
Forensic and Legal Medicine, vol 16, p 138). Both would suffice to
break the weaker parts of a human skull. (Chris and I should have
entered this one with extensive data from bar brawls).

In the same alcohol-related vein, the chemistry prize recognised
Javier Morales, Miguel Apátiga and Victor Castaño of the National
Autonomous University of Mexico for developing a peaceful, low-risk
application for another alcoholic beverage: tequila. They found that
tequila could be used to make diamond films – a super-tough
semiconductor (www.arxiv.org/abs/0806.1485). (What sad puppies!)

The physics prize recognises a delicate gravitational study to answer
a question that only small children usually dare ask: why don't
pregnant women tip over? For four-legged mammals and our knuckle-
walking cousins, the maternal load is balanced between front and hind
limbs, but for bipedal humans baby and belly protrude perilously. How
could primitive humans have survived when they spent most of their
adult lives pregnant or nursing infants, wondered anthropologists
Katherine Whitcome of the University of Cincinnati, Ohio, Daniel E.
Lieberman of Harvard University and Liza J. Shapiro of the University
of Texas, Austin. The answer, they discovered, was that women have a
more pronounced curvature in their lower backs than men, shifting the
upper part of the trunk backwards so their bodies balance better
during pregnancy.

Donald Unger, an allergist in Thousand Oaks, California, earned the
medicine prize for addressing another timeless question: does cracking
knuckles really cause arthritis, as his mother warned him it would? As
a child, he naturally thought his mother omniscient, but as a teenager
he learned about science and started questioning received wisdom of
this kind.  To resolve the issue Unger embarked on a long-term
controlled experiment, and began cracking the knuckles on his left
hand twice a day, but not those on his right (Arthritis and
Rheumatism, vol 41, p 949). He has done so for more than 60 years, and
never suffered arthritis in either hand. "Mother, you were wrong," he
says, looking heavenwards. What he now wants to know is: "Was it
really necessary for me to eat my broccoli?"  I suspect his mother has
already been contacted by mediums and found to offer chastisement for
the small sample.

The veterinary medicine prize went to UK-based researchers Catherine
Douglas and Peter Rowlinson of Newcastle University's agriculture
school for revealing a secret of milk production. Surveying 516 dairy
farmers, they found that cows regularly called by names gave
significantly more milk than those that remained anonymous
(Anthrozoos, vol 22, p 59).  Cows "feel happier and more relaxed if
they are given a bit more one-to-one attention", helping them produce
more milk, says Douglas.

And finally, the biology prize went to Fumiaki Taguchi of Kitasato
University in Japan and colleagues for showing how bacteria extracted
from giant panda droppings can reduce the mass of kitchen waste by
more than 90 per cent (Journal of the Japan Society of Waste
Management Experts, vol 14, p 76).  The cats are not warming to our
new giant Panda.
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