Britain is now in a state of some kind of raised readiness for terror attacks. Most of us have no idea what these states are, thought it's probably dawning on us that the state of higher readiness for swine flu is over. Given the regular headlines, most of us are probably drinking too much to care. It may be that what is really worrying the government is that we have no manufacturers of explosive Y-fronts and are panicking about loss of share of the world's arms' trade? Blair gives evidence at the Iraq Enquiry this week and some are advancing this as the reason for the advanced alert, though one can hardly see him being the problem - after all he wears his underpants outside his trousers in his role as SuperNerd. I am somewhat relieved that the papers are telling us to expect a swarm of female bombers as constant staring at men's nether regions with my newly purchased X-ray specs lacks aesthetic appeal. Can we trust our underwear suppliers? Perhaps remotely detonated boxers have already been infiltrated onto their shelves? I suspect we remain at greater risk from returning stag parties insisting on trying to light each other's rear-end gaseous emissions. In the meantime I await a government leaflet demanding I inspect all our household unmentionables for the hand- stitched health and safety badge personally signed by the Prime Minister. By some strange chance they read 'Vote Labour or You Will Launch a Tory Explosion'.
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