Gawdamnit Joey - not on an open channel!

On Monday, November 24, 2014 1:52:04 PM UTC, Allan Heretic wrote:
>
> Bar barkbark grr _bark
> Joey
>
> لا القتل والاغتصاب واستعباد أو إيذاء الآخرين 
> Do not murder, rape, enslave or harm others
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: archytas <[email protected]>
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 2:00 PM
> Subject: Mind's Eye A Time of Very Significant Danger
>
> Our Home Secretary, Theresa May, has been given an hour of Bimbo 
> Broadcasting Corporation air space to announce a doom-laden terrorist 
> scenario that essentially means my plan to increase surveillance on Gabby 
> and Allan's dog ten-fold has been approved.  It's terrorism week here in 
> the UK.  Archytas is being interrogated in respect of his internet 
> correspondence with the suspect Meinhoff clone as I write, apparently 
> finding the third-degree less painful than the original exchanges.  
>
> One hopes similar measures are being taken beyond Fortress Britain and 
> Allan's dog has been barred from internet access.  We will soon know just 
> what Tony is "facilitating" and whose Moll Molly really is.  The current 
> threat level surpasses DEFCON 5 being 'perhaps greater than it has ever 
> been' - there is no known colour for this status, perhaps somewhere beyond 
> the infrared given off by UFOs flying over the Cuckoo's Nest.  Internet 
> records will now be held for over a million years, whilst those on child 
> abuse will be shredded at the speed 'as though there never were any'. 
>  Indeed, all government agency records will now be written in 'already 
> redacted' mode to prevent terrorist use.
>
> Attempts to do Mumbai-style marauding attacks on Britain's streets have 
> been foiled owing to J. Bond's substitution of 'reverse paddles' on 
> Pakistani inflatables, leaving the crews further up S. Creek with every 
> stroke.  40 such highly sophisticated attacks have been nipped in the bud, 
> with the new automatic redaction services ensuring there is no record to 
> trouble Joe and Joanna Public's restful sleep.
>
> I forget what day (in Terrorist Week) it is, though I did make a 
> pre-redacted message.  It all builds to the end of the working week, 
> probably a Friday.  You can trust my memory on this, unless the invasion 
> happens in the meantime, at which point my memory will self-redact.
>
> Fulminster Barking-Ponceweasel
> Head of Counter Terrorism Awareness Week
>
>
>  -- 
>
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