I will let those whose characters you involved respond to your question
of appropriate use but I will give some pointers in other aspects of
this piece.
The first thing that jumped out at me was the repeated use of the word
hyacinth in close proximity through out the piece. This was especially
true in the very beginning. I would suggest finding other terms or
phrases that would work. "Magical flower" or "Magic source" might work.
Also you might rework the paragraph to reduce the need for the repeats.
There were a number of typos and missing words that further editing
would find and remove. Editing would also smooth out some of the
sentences and help in the flow of the story.
As for the story itself I would personally say it is non canon. I am
also a bit uneasy with Jessica's actions but considering how Marzac
twists people I will let Matthias respond to that.
Over all the story shows you can craft an MK tale and do so in an
enjoyable manner. I would encourage you to continue to work on other
stories as you can.
Kamau
On 7/22/2010 10:33 PM, Nathan Pfaunmiller wrote:
This is a new story that I both started and finished today. It is
currently noncanon, but I am interested in working it into canon if none
of the concerned writer's have a problem with it. If it at all
interferes with their plots, or my use of their characters at all is
unacceptable, I'm perfectly fine with leaving it noncanon, I just wanted
to write it for fun.
_____________
Expansion of Power
By LurkingWolf
!DSPAM:4c4a4277265105126175762!
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